Along He Came
by lose-your-voice
Summary: RoxasXOc A girl in the Organization, Roxas the new kid. Will they find their existance together or will they both fade away to nothing?
1. Mission 1

Along he came

Mission One:

I sat in the corner, watching Xemnas introduce a new nobody to the Organization. The boy was my age but his hood covered his eyes. Even though I couldn't see his face well, I sensed his aura. It was full of sadness, despair and loneliness. At the same time, he seemed strong and emotionless. This was a strange boy indeed. I saw the weapons he had at hand, two…Keyblades! How could a nobody possess the Keyblade? The Keyblade was supposed to choose someone who had a strong heart, could a nobody who has no heart possibly be chosen?

"Kirai!" Xemnas bellowed.

I immediately stood up in a respectful manner. I was the youngest from the Organization, save for the new kid. I was 15 and he looked about the same age.

"Yes Xemnas?"

I walked in front of my leader, the one who commanded my every move. I felt the other's eyes on my back as I walked in front of them to face my master; Xigbar, Xaldin, Vexen, Lexaeus, Zexion, Saïx, Axel, Demyx, Luxord, Marluxia and Larxene. Naminé was locked up in her dormitory as always. She was never allowed out because she was so special, she was so unique. She had the ability to rearrange memories of people who were linked to Sora's heart. Sora, the Keyblade master was our enemy.

"Kirai, I want you to show Roxas to his room. I also want you to teach him of our…ways." Xemnas evil smirk made me look away from him. I didn't particularly admire Xemnas. His ways were too violent but he had brought me here so I was grateful of that.

Roxas didn't pull down his hood or speak at all, he just faced me, waiting.

'_Just like a good nobody. Pretending he doesn't have feelings.' _I thought.

Nobodies weren't supposed to exist, they weren't supposed to feel _anything_. I noticed the impatience thoughts in the air and proceeded to show the new member to his room. The Organization had a mansion to say the least. It was located in Twilight Town but everyone thought it was a simple abandoned home.

I walked up the stairs to the 2nd floor. Xemnas had meant for Roxas to occupy the room that was next to mine. I didn't really mind. The boy seemed very silent, just like how I was when I first arrived. It seemed an eternity ago but it was only a year. A year in darkness, a year in fear. I remembered the day so clearly, I was afraid that _she_ would find me and I would disappear.

"Is your name…Roxas?" I asked.

We were at his door now. I turned around for him to respond to my simple question. Roxas kept his face well hidden under his cloak. You could see his blond hair and the bottom of his face but nothing more. Roxas didn't respond and stood there, waiting again.

"Answer me." I was direct and to the point.

That was the way of living, there was no need to wait around. I couldn't afford to lose time and see _her_ again. I despised her but in doing that, in a way I despised myself.

I gave up on the boy answering me, he towered a good 3 inches over me and he stayed silent.

"This is your room." I explained.

I moved aside and Roxas didn't waste time opening his door and shutting it after him.

"He looked as though he's seen his other self."

I turned and saw Axel walking up the stairs. I couldn't suppress a smile. To put it nicely, Axel was a wise ass. He followed orders but if need be, he would follow his own course.

"He wouldn't even answer one of my questions." I replied, pouting.

If nobodies truly had feelings, Axel and I would be considered friends. Not that I knew the true meaning of it.

Axel walked by me but before retreating to his room he whispered to me, "It seems like you're gonna be his baby-sitter!"

I disregarded what he said and slipped into my own room. My walls were the color of a light purple. My bed, white with beautiful white canopy sheets on top. I had a simple bookshelf on one side of my room. It was fairly empty since I never had munny. I was fascinated but books, the way normal humans wrote their deepest secrets and desires upon its pages.

It was getting late, about 9 p.m. so I undressed and changed into a pair of black shorts and a purple tank top. I stared at myself in the 5-foot mirror I had next to my bookshelf. My reflection stared back at me and I forced a smile. My red hair gleamed in the sun. Anyone would recognize me by it. My hair was medium length, it reached to about my shoulders. It was slick straight and I had long bangs. I stood about a 5'2, I guess I was short for my age. _She _was 13 when it happened and it's been a year since then so I was a mere 14.

'_Will I ever see her again?'_ I wondered before I turned off the lights and fell asleep, dreaming of the horrors of my past, present and future. I will not fade form existence, I'll do anything to be real.


	2. Mission 2

thank you my reviewers! in this case theres only two...REVIEW! please?

inuyashaHELP-i know...i thought the same. well roxas has the keyblades because of sora and stuff.

Rujutoshi- Roxas is my favorite charcter too! he's just so adorable and hot! (especially in deep dive...) lol i got upset when i couldn't find any interesting non-yaoi roxas fics so i decided to write one.

Mission 2:

Xemnas left me in charge of Roxas when all of The Organization left to check up on Sora and his friends. I was to show him everything about Heartless and Nobodies. I sighed and looked up at the ceiling of my room. I was lying in my bed, breathing heavily. Does Roxas feel the same way as I did? Alone and afraid to find they're other half? Did any of the Nobodies feel the same way?

I threw away my pathetic emotions and got up. I was still in my pajamas when I knocked on Roxas's door. It was time for breakfast and I wanted to be polite. I heard shuffling beyond the door and Roxas came out with a black shirt and jeans. I gasped when I saw his face. My heart throbbed and butterflies fluttered in my stomach.

'_He's…gorgeous.'_ I thought.

His blonde spiky hair, his deep eyes and his flawless face. I guess I was staring at him because Roxas lifted an eyebrow and asked,

"Can I help you?"

I returned from my wonderland and asked if he was hungry. Roxas responded yes and I led him to the kitchen downstairs. I asked if he preferred anything particular and he answered a no. I was nervous while preparing some eggs for him.

'_Why am I nervous? I can't possibly care about this new kid.'_

After lecturing myself, I returned to normal. I made myself toast and sat across from him to eat. Roxas paid no attention to anything while he ate. I remember Xemnas telling me to take him anywhere he wanted. I sighed, I didn't want to go all around town. I shoved my laziness down my throat and asked Roxas.

"Um…would you like to go around town? I could buy you anything or take you anywhere…"

My voice dragged off as Roxas looked up. Sadness lit up his eyes, he said he wanted to be taken around the town. I was standing up to go take a shower and get ready. Before I left Roxas shifted in his seat and muttered,

"W-what's your name?"

I felt surprised, usually Nobodies didn't care about other's names.

"My name is Kirai."

With that, I retired to my room. I took a quick shower and placed on my cloak. I was tending to my hair, which was strange. Usually, I brushed it and that was the end but I felt like making sure my hair was in place. I heard a knock on my door and I walked over to it. Without opening my door I asked, "Yes?"

It was Roxas, he seemed shy and he paused before answering.

"Are you ready yet?"

I was so I opened the door to signal I was ready to take him around town. We had to be careful that no one was watching us, but Roxas seemed to enjoy the town. He saw people walking around and laughing. Boys his age were participating in jobs. When Roxas had grown tired of running around, hidden we went back to the mansion.

"Roxas, do you know how to fight?" I asked, I was supposed to make him happy but Xemnas also told me to train him and test his skills.

"Yes I do." He replied coldly.

It seemed as if that question had triggered an unwanted memory. I felt bad for making him remember something that would haunt him. I wanted to ask him how he could wield the Keyblade but I stopped myself. Too many questions, too quickly wasn't safe. He could have a breakdown or something.

"Can I ask you something Kirai?"

I turned to him; we were sitting at the dining table having lunch. I swallowed the food in my mouth and looked at Roxas in the eyes. He was serious so I nodded my head and he went on to ask his question.

"Do Nobodies, like us, have a purpose?"

That caught me off guard. Those were one of the questions I always asked myself. I always wondered being a Nobody, does that include a purpose? Nobodies were not supposed to exist anyway. I thought about how to answer his question.

I sighed, "I've always wondered about that too. I don't think anyone can give us that answer."

**Night time**

No one was back yet. After that awkward question, Roxas had left without a word and locked himself in his room. Several times, I placed my ear to the wall in order to hear whether he was weeping or not. I didn't hear a sound form his side of the room.

I exited my room and knocked on his door. It felt so empty being alone with Roxas in the mansion. Sure, Naminé was here but she was always inside her room. Roxas opened the door but his hood was over his face.

'_He is upset…' _I decided.

"Roxas, do you want to explore Twilight Town a little further? Since it's night we don't have to hide."

Roxas nodded his head and we left. No one was in the street so we walked freely around. I told Roxas what every store was for. He seemed happier and so did I. We came upon a playground, it was for small children.

"Come on!" I called out to Roxas.

I ran to the playground. I swung on the swings, slid down the slides, all while Roxas stood and watched.

"Don't you want to join me?" I asked him with a smile.

Roxas smiled back and we both played in the playground. We laughed and ran around, just like kids. I forgot about the Organization, the heartless and even Sora. Roxas seemed to also be enjoying himself. I realized how late it was and we played tag on the way home to the mansion.

Right before the mansion was a small forest. The forest usually kept intruders out because of its mysterious darkness. I knew the forest like the back of my hand, literally. I was chasing Roxas, but I happen to slip on a tree's root. I tumbled onto Roxas, making him fall. When I opened my eyes, I was on top of him.

His back was on the ground, his hood had fallen back. My hands were on his shoulders and his deep eyes were inches away from me. My heart was pounding; my stomach was doing flips. I couldn't think, the only I could hear was the blood pumping in my ears. I could feel his breath, and my face leaned in towards his.

'_What am I doing! I just met him!' _

I opened my eyes, when had they closed? I pulled myself up from Roxas and sat to look the other way. I heard him also sit up and I felt embarrassed.

"I-I'm sorry Roxas. I didn't mean to fall, I tripped on a root."

There was a pause and I was sure Roxas didn't believe me. That was such an unlikely excuse.

"It's okay Kirai."

His voice was so soft when he said my name, I'm sure it was kindness. I turned and faced him, his hood was off and I smiled and helped him up. We walked towards the morbid mansion in silence. When we arrived, Xemnas greeted us. Roxas walked ahead to his room while Xemnas kept me behind.

"Good job, Kirai." He praised.

I nodded my head and walked past him before he could say anything that would indicate to finish my relationship with Roxas as friends.

"Kirai, find out if he knows where Sora is."

I didn't walk fast enough. I cursed under my breath when I was sure Xemnas couldn't hear me. I retreated to my room and sighed. Axel was in front of my door when I came to my room.

"What do you want Axel?" I was tired and Axel had a smirk on his face, NOT good.

"I saw your little 'accident' with Roxas in the forest. Does Kirai have a boyfriend now?"

Axel wasn't being mean. He was just teasing me and I wasn't in the mood. I pushed him aside and entered my room. Before I closed the door in his face Axel warned me.

"Don't get too close to him."


	3. Mission 3

ATTENTION: I made a grave error, in the first chapter I said Kirai was 14 AND 15, she is 15 just to let you know.

inuyashaHELP- like...most of the Roxas fanfics are with Axel.I likeAxel but ehh..you knwo what i mean.

Gaara-Kaibutsu- yeah Yaoi is really popular but i dont mind. at long as people review im happy. thank you!

Rujutoshi- awesome, i'll look into it when i have the time. I also squeal for Roxas lol

kureyuki- why, thank you! yes there are roxas non yaoi stories but they are all ollete and kairi and namine.

shadowed crescents- I know the whole anagram thingy but but...ehh i couldn't think of a good name and plus i saw on this website that said Kirai meant 'hate' so yeah...lol

Mission 3:

Lying in my room, I was still curious about Roxas. I mean, who was he? How did he get here? Why did he remind me of Sora? We were all in the organization to become whole once again. With Kingdom hearts, we can. We need Sora for that, I knew I shouldn't feel this way but I didn't hate Sora. He seemed kind and I always remembered him searching for Riku and Kairi. Riku… _she_ loved him and in turn affected me.

I was thinking of too many things all at once, a headache gripped my temples. I heard a knock on my door but I wasn't in the mood to speak to anyone.

"Go away!"

"It's me, Zexion."

I immediately sat up and opened the door with a smile. Zexion was like a brother to me, he was always there when I needed help and he stood up for me. Now Zexion was in his black cloak and he looked happy, that was a good sign. I allowed Zexion to enter and he sat on a chair while I sat on my bed. I stared at him, waiting for his news.

"How do you like Roxas?" he asked.

I tried not to blush while I said, "Uhh…he's nice."

"That's good to hear…" He said. "Because you now have to look after him."

I smiled at Zexion and thanked him for the news. Zexion made his way out of my room and waved goodbye when he closed my door. I wanted to become friends with Roxas and the flashback from the forest flashed before my eyes. I blushed, then scolded myself.

'_Why am I being so childish?'_

I was bored so maybe Roxas wanted to go somewhere and I could accompany him. I knocked on Roxas door and waited for him to him to answer. He answered and smiled at me.

"Um…Roxas…I was…wondering if you wanted to go somewhere. I'm supposed to take care of you so…"

Roxas interrupted me with a smirk; "You're bored aren't you."

I paused my words but quickly recovered, "No! I'm supposed to make sure you're entertained, that's all."

"Okay then, I want to go to a tower."

I nodded and walked downstairs and out of the mansion with Roxas following me. I was careful not to trip over any roots this time. Soon after, Roxas and I were sitting on the top of the tallest tower. It was still night but dawn was not far. The wind sang while Roxas and I were sitting quietly, watching the empty town. I almost never came up to the tower but now I was thinking about making it a hobby. It cleared my thoughts and relaxed me. I closed my eyes and breathed in the fresh air I was so obviously deprived of.

"Nice, isn't it?"

I opened my eyes and saw Roxas had spoken, breaking the strong silence.

"Yes…it is."

I looked at Roxas and he looked at me. We both smiled at each other and I saw the sun coming up over the horizon.

"It's beautiful." I gasped at the sight. It was truly breathtaking.

We arrived at the mansion not to long after. Xemnas approached me while Roxas was on the side of me. We were right outside the mansion and the rising sun lit up Xemnas's angered face.

"Where were you Kirai!" he boomed.

I was afraid but I stood up straight, hiding my emotions.

"I was escorting Roxas to the tower."

"At this time? You will not leave without my permission!"

I nodded but Xemnas was only speaking to me, he wasn't scolding Roxas, which made the situation a little uncomfortable. Xemnas grinned at Roxas before retreating back into the mansion. I almost ran inside as quickly as possible. I was afraid of what Xemnas could do to me.

I looked back as I entered the door and Roxas had a frown on his face.

"What's wrong?" I asked him, he had no reason to be sad.

"I'm sorry. That was my fault."

It sort of was his fault but I wasn't going to rub it in his face.

"Don't worry. It's alright."

When we were going to retreat to our bedroom, Roxas looked at me and stuttered while saying, "Um, K-Kirai? I was wondering if you'd…like to…um…talk?"

I looked over to him and nodded, I wasn't tired and I had nothing to do.

**An Hour Later**

Roxas and I were sitting on his rugged floor. We were talking about the stupid stuff we've done. We were laughing and I couldn't remember a time where I had more fun. I would be dead meat if Xemnas would have caught me here, in Roxas's room. The thought finally became alive in my head and I wanted to rush out of there and retreat into the safety of my own room.

I waved goodbye to Roxas and I quickly ran into my room and shut my door. I was afraid of Xemnas and what he could do to me. He might send _her_ after me as punishment. That was my greatest fear, seeing _her._

I was afraid of knowing the truth, without seeing her there was a doubt in my mind that she really even existed. If I didn't see her, there was a tiny thought in my mind that convinced me I might be real. I might be my own person.

I sighed and dressed into some sweatpants and a large shirt. I was awake, laying on my bed for what seemed like an eternity. I wasn't really thinking of anything, I just wondered about everything.


	4. Mission 4

thanks to my reviewers-

Rujutoshi-i like your story! please update yours soon o.o

inuyashaHELP- yeah Oc's are the best! lol but a part of the Kingdom hearts ending with him and namine made me cry...(not going to mention it cuse im spoiler free!) lol

shadowed crescents- well no, kiari isn't kirai's nobody. lol because that's namine's position. it's just that the names are similar. well i went to a website which said Kirai means hate...and Ren'ai means love. Ren'ai's her other self person blah.

goldendove88-thank you!

ATTENTION FREELOADERS! Please Review and don't make me take my story off and only email it to reviewers. I have 258 hits while only having 11 reviews...If you don't knwo what to say just say "hey i read your story" ANYTHING is fine!

Mission 4

Xemnas had summoned me the following morning. I had no idea what he wanted to discuss with me, maybe it was about Roxas. I was waiting in the dining room area for Xemnas. I hadn't seen any of the others and I began to worry. Soon enough, Xemnas trotted down the stairs with a grin I ever so hated. None the less, I kept a determined expression on. Xemnas came up to me and smiled not a kind smile but a Xemnas smile.

"Kirai, I have a mission for you. Riku has agreed to help us release the heartless' hearts. You will meet him at midnight, at the ocean."

I nodded, accepting what was required of me without hesitation. As Xemnas walked away, I ran out of the mansion to be alone.

"Riku…" I whispered as I walked through the forest. I didn't want to face him. My other half loved Riku so much and because of that love, my existence fades in my mind. I wasn't born out of love, like Naminé, I was born out of darkness. No, I was born out of hate. Yes, hate…that's how the story began…

My other self, or Ren'ai as people called her. She was beautiful, unlike me. Her hair was long and blonde, reaching to her waist. Our faces were the same though. Our expressions were not. She always had that damn smile on her face. She was always happy. Even though she had a boiling rage and hate inside of her when I was born.

She had met Riku some time ago, when he was still in darkness. She loved him, more than she had loved any other human being. Since Riku was controlled by Xemnas, Ren'ai despised him. She hid her feelings but she could not completely destroy them. Once she followed Riku to the very same castle where I was at now. She saw Xemnas and tried to fight him, the poor girl was no match at all. How could she be? He was a nobody and she was a human, her heart not strong enough to wield the Keyblade.

Xemnas saw his opportunity to let her cause him damage but Xemnas was controlling Riku at that point and even though Xemnas had full control over Riku's body. Riku was the one in fact receiving the damage meant for Xemnas. When Xemnas revealed this, Ren'ai was heart broken. The very person she was trying to protect, she had harmed him.

Riku was injured but not gravely. Despite this, Ren'ai was tortured by the very fact that she had harmed him. She grabbed the unconscious Riku's Keyblade and trusted it through her heart. Riku's Keyblade opened her heart up to become a heartless. She became a heartless out of hate for herself and Xemnas.

Even thought I do not know how, Xemnas turned her back into her former self, while she was a heartless I was created. I hated Ren'ai, the reason of my birth was my nature, because I was born out of Ren'ai's hate for herself, I also despise her.

I've had dreams, of Riku and I blame her for it. I do not know where she is but Riku must know. I was to kill her off, so I could become whole. The air had become uncomfortably cold and I realized why. The sky was night. I spent my whole day wandering around the forest. I tried to stay away form Roxas because of my upsetting mood. When midnight came, I was ready.

5 minutes before midnight, I opened a dark portal to the beach. I walked into it without regret. When I arrived Riku was there, he had changed since I last saw him, no since Ren'ai last saw him. He was taller, more slender and I couldn't sense the darkness in him.

"So you're opened your heart to the light Riku?"

He turned to face me, I knew he must also despise me because to him I am a copy of her. I am a nobody that stole a piece of her soul. For all I know, he probably has a scheme to reunite me with Ren'ai.

"Kirai, I do not despise you." Riku stated.

I clenched my teeth and hands in fury, he was lying, they were all lying. He just wanted my guard down, so he could destroy me. So I could fully fade away. So he could have his precious love.

"Do not think I am naïve. I am a nobody but I am not oblivious to the fact you want your precious love whole again."

Riku sighed and touched my hair with his hand. He held the side of my face and frowned painfully.

"I wanted that before but that would be like killing you. I could never hate you because you are a part of her. I want to be friends but I also know you are nothing like her. You two are almost separate beings but share one soul."

I was angered and flustered. Since Ren'ai loved him, I couldn't help but blush. I swiped his hand away, more of her memories were flowing into my mind. I saw flashbacks of before I was born, them holding hands, them kissing. It disgusted me.

"I can never be like her, I am a nobody, I have no soul. I cannot feel anything, I can only pretend."

Riku frowned at me. I don't know why, why should he care anyway? It was all true, nobodies are an empty vessel. No one cared about nobodies. I was determined to fade away into darkness. The sudden meaning of what I had said hit me, if I could only pretend then the happiness I felt with Roxas just an act?

"Kirai, Xemnas told me he knows where Ren'ai is, he said if I kill heartless and lead them to Kingdom hearts, he would bring her to me. Please do you know if he could really do that? The only person I could trust is you and Sora's….you know him don't you?"

'_Sora's what?…Nobody? Sora had a nobody? He possibly couldn't be in the organization because…Roxas. Was Roxas, Sora's nobody? Why didn't…anyone tell me…'_

"Why didn't you tell me Roxas was Sora's nobody! WHY? I hate Sora! Him and his pathetic Keyblade!"

I had screamed and my fury was unleashed. They all had known the whole time but they didn't tell me. Did Roxas know? Of course he had to know. What was Xemnas planning?

"Look Kirai! You don't have to hate Sora! He would help you! He had a noble heart! You could be friends, you could be friends with him…"

I closed my eyes and covered my ears with my hands while sliding down to the ground,

"I don't want to be helped by him! I hate him! I hate him! I hate him. I hate him…"

I repeated those words over and over again, I still felt Riku's presence but then I heard another voice. The stranger poke,

"See? She's nothing like her, her exact opposite. If she's reunited with Ren'ai, you'll have your love once more."

I opened my eyes to see who spoke and I saw Diz standing next to Riku.

"Traitor!" I yelled.

I saw Riku's hand reaching after me but I created a portal and vanished. I returned back to the forest and saw Xemnas there. He walked over to me, my eyes now spilling tears.

"Kirai, You can't feel anything. You don't have emotions, so stop crying and pretending you're human."


	5. Mission 5

thanks to my reviewers! you guys can email me or add me on msn or whatever, i kinda don't mind. lol as long as you introduce yourself, you can email me or anything! I'll try to respond back as quickly as possible.

thanks to my reviewers-

shadowed crescents- lol well that would kinds ruin the story...you'll have to wait and see if she does fall in love with him! sora...he's not a big character in this story cuse i kinda dont like him..don't get me wrong sora's cool and everything but he annoys me a little.

kingdomheartsloveandnaruto- thank you! here it is!

Rujutoshi- lol yeah cuse then namine is just...yeah. well i love your roxas story! your main character's name is like Kirux right? lol and mine's Kirai and then there's Kairi...ahh so confusing --

Rachelle -thank you!

inuyashaHELP- of course i know about naruto and inuyasha! i love'em! yeah true...guys with silver hair are hot...but don't forget about blondies! i LOVE my ed form fullmetal alchemist! lol also another hot guy to add for the silver hair is Hitsugaya form Bleach...gaaahhh he's soo HOT!. (fangirl moments there)

Alchemistangel- hope you liek this chapter!

toyBOX- thank you! yeah i felt bad for her too..i don't like xemnas...

Mission 5

What Xemnas said was true. I wasn't supposed to have feelings but what about a nobody that was created out of an emotion? Could I be special then? Could I be special like Naminé? I hated just being a nobody. I hated Sora, rage was the only emotion I could trigger so well. I had encountered Sora many times before, as Ren'ai and myself. it was Sora who had told Ren'ai Xemnas was controlling Riku because of Sora…I was here to begin with. Then as a nobody, I confronted Sora.

I had told him that it was his fault I was a nobody. I had told him Ren'ai lost a piece of herself because of him. Sora helped create me, then he wouldn't take me to Kingdom Hearts so I could be whole? He doesn't understand what it's like to be fake. He was always supposed to exist but I wasn't. I had no real existence. He thinks he can just get rid of us? the world isn't black and white and his ignorance upsets me. Riku was no better, I couldn't trust him.

I was in my room now, I sat on the floor next to my bed staring at the wall. That wall was the only thing separating Roxas and I. I felt as though I needed to speak with someone but I couldn't trust Roxas, he was Sora's nobody. I sighed and lay on the floor. I was still in my black cloak and I had no intention of taking it off soon. It was pretty early in the morning, about 2 am but I couldn't sleep, I was restless.

'Maybe I can trust Roxas, I feel like I can…' 

I really needed someone to speak with so I walked outside and knocked on his door lightly. No answer, Ren'ai's memories with Riku were flooding into my mind.

'_She must be thinking about him'_ I said to myself.

I placed my head on the door and sorrow overcame me. I knocked again and this time, Roxas opened the door. He looked as though he had just awakened. He had on a large shirt and boxers. I blushed and looked away.

"I'm sorry, I woke you up. It's late, I'll just go."

"Kirai, you look upset. What happened? You can come inside."

I looked at Roxas's face and saw he was being sincere. I nodded and sat on the floor when I entered. More of Ren'ai's memories and thoughts were flashing in my mind. I suddenly wanted to be loved just as Riku loved her. I stared at the floor, begging for the memories to stop.

"What's wrong Kirai? Are you ok?"

Roxas kneeled down next to me and bent down to look into my eyes. I looked into his kind one and realized he did resemble Sora. Ren'ai must have been in an unstable emotion state because tears gathered in my eyes and a pain erupted where my heart would be. Roxas tried to reassure me, he held my hand and said,

"It's going to be alright. You'll get through this."

"Why does…he have to love her so much? Why does she care so much for him?" I whispered.

Full-fledged tears were now streaming down my cheeks. Roxas then embraced me. He held me tightly as my eyes opened wide in shock.

"Roxas?" I asked.

"It's going to be okay Kirai. Please don't be sad. Friends are supposed to be there for one another aren't they? I'm here for you…"

I closed my eyes and hugged him back. He was so warm, so caring. A feeling Ren'ai had experienced so much from Riku overcame me. The feeling of someone being kind to you. I pulled away form him and smiled through the tears in my eyes. I somehow felt closer but farther from Ren'ai.

"Thanks Roxas, you're a great friend."

Roxas laughed then asked,

"You think so?"

I nodded my head and I looked away as I said,

"Um…you're not fully dressed. I can wait outside for you to get your pants on. O/O"

(A/N- O/O is a facial expression. It is supposed to resemble blushing.)

Roxas hadn't really noticed he was only in his boxers, so he blushed lightly and shook his head,

"You've already seen me so it's no big deal."

I laughed and stood up. I grabbed Roxas's wrist and pulled him up as well. I looked over to his bed and asked him,

"Do you mind if I sit?"

"No it's alright."

I thanked him and sat on his bed, Roxas pulled up a chair and began to talk.

"It hurts, doesn't it? When their memories haunt you…"

I smiled sadly and muttered a yes.

"I don't like the feeling either. Makes you feel as though you're a fake."

Silence past through us. I didn't want to believe it but I had to ask.

"Roxas." I stopped. He looked at me, signaling I could go on.

"I wanted to know if you're…Sora's nobody."

"Yeah, I am." His response was quick but cold.

Roxas almost looked sad when he said it. I forced a smile, he was nothing like Sora. Roxas was kinder and more understanding.

"It doesn't matter who's nobody you are. You're different."

I tried to make him feel better, this was a sore subject for nobodies. We never wanted to remember our other self. We despised them for creating us. I said good night to Roxas and retreated to my room. I still couldn't sleep her thoughts wouldn't go away.

'_I have to find Riku.'_

I walked out of the mansion and made my way through the forest. I opened a portal to where I last saw him, the beach. It was night and no one was around. I squinted my eyes as I saw a figure about 20 feet away. I realized it was a person, sitting on the sand staring at the water.

I approached the person and saw it was Riku. I sighed and walked over to him where the moonlight made his hair shine. I sat next to him.

"You're still here?" I asked.

"I thought you didn't talk to traitors." He said back, coolly.

"I got angry, sorry. I didn't mean it."

I didn't really mean what I had said back then. It was Diz that made my angry. I guess Riku was being nice or was it Ren'ai's feelings that affected my mind?

"I want to see her again."

Of course, he meant Ren'ai. He loved her so much, I felt a little jealous. I guess Riku really wasn't a bad person, he just got himself into bad situations. Maybe I could help Riku, maybe I wouldn't fade from existence.

I laid on the sand and stared at the moon.

"I just want to be real."

Riku looked over to me and gave me a questioning look. He obviously didn't understand what I meant. He was a real person after all. All I knew was that he couldn't trust Xemnas, hadn't he learned that before? I guess he cares too much for Ren'ai. I didn't like her though. She was always happy, too happy. She was a perfect life up until she decided to open her heart to the darkness.

"Okay, I'll help you. On one condition."

Riku turned and nodded his head to signal he agreed.

"Promise me…You'll teach me how to love someone."


	6. Mission 6

I can't update alot for a while or put up my thanks to reviewers, i have a HUGE project to do so i don't have much time.

Mission 6

"You want to learn how to…**love** someone?" Riku asked.

"Y-yes. I do."

Riku was utterly stunned. _'Why would a nobody want to learn how to love?' _he thought. Then he smiled, Kirai reminded him so much of Ren'ai. That look on her face, when Ren'ai wanted to learn something, she'd do it and get it on the first try.

"But…why?" Riku asked, even though she was a part of Ren'ai, Kirai was a nobody, she wasn't supposed to have feelings right?

"I…" I closed my mouth. What could I say? I wanted to feel love, experience it? I wanted to feel human? Riku would laugh, so would everyone else. Nobodies are not supposed to feel anything, even if I tried I probably wouldn't be able to capture the true nature of the feeling.

"I…want to experience the feeling Ren'ai always has. I hate her for being able to live life so fully. I hate her for creating me."

Riku sighed sadly, he loved Ren'ai, why couldn't I do the same? He looked at the water and sat besides me. He looked at though he was thinking, considering my offer. Maybe he didn't want to teach a nobody how to love. Maybe he thought it was hopeless.

"Okay, I'll teach you as long as you help me find her."

I looked at Riku when I noticed the sadness in his voice as he trailed off in that sentence. When would I be able to feel sadness for another human? Then I doubted myself, I wasn't supposed to have feelings, would this even work? I asked Riku because he would be the most likely to trigger an emotion such as love. If Ren'ai loved him, then maybe some of her emotions would seep into me. Maybe I could truly have a heart then.

"Well…" Riku started.

"Love is when you care deeply for someone else, when you'll sacrifice for him or her. It's hard to explain. You'll know you're in love when you experience it. Love can also be expressed in different forms. There are certain actions of endearment humans use. You probably know some of them."

I sat up and looked over the water, the sun was slowly become clear but no one would miss me so I didn't bother to return anytime soon.

"When you and Ren'ai's lips met, right? And when you held hands?"

Riku looked at me, alarmed.

"You can see her memories? You've seen us together and when she was…when I knew where to find her?"

I nodded my head and he shrugged it off, his surprise clearly gone.

"Yeah, that's what people do when they're in love."

I was still curious on how I could 'fall in love', maybe there was certain requirements. The subject was really unknown to me.

"How do people fall in love?"

Riku hesitated before he answered,

"Well…I think when you find the perfect person for you."

"Oh…" I couldn't really say anything. I had no comment on the subject.

Riku stood up as the sun was climbing over the horizon, lighting up the scenery around us.

"Look, the only way I can think of is well, acting like we're in love. Maybe that would trigger something. I don't know the exact nature of nobodies."

I also stood up and brushed the sand off. I looked at Riku and he had a shy look in his face. I remembered that we had to act like we were in love. I had no idea what to do. Riku stepped closer to me. Our faces were a foot apart when he said,

"I'm going to kiss you, alright?"

"Sure, okay."

Riku moved towards me, I didn't really know what to do so I just stood there. He placed his hand on my shoulder and he closed his eyes. I could feel his breath, his warmth. I had never been this close to someone, save for falling on Roxas. _Roxas…_

'_I wish I could learn to love someone like Roxas…'_

Riku's lips met mine. I felt his warm lips as they were pressed against mine. My eyes were still open but they slowly closed. Riku's eyes were closed so I guess that's what you're supposed to do. He slowly pulled away; I was puzzled as how this was an affection of love.

"Did you feel anything?" Riku asked.

I nodded my head no. I couldn't feel anything, not a spark or anything. Maybe nobodies couldn't learn to love. We said our good-byes and I trudged off to my hell bound mansion. I walked towards my room without looking twice at Roxas's door. I had nothing to talk about but I didn't feel like speaking anyway. I didn't feel depressed, it's just that…I didn't really feel anything.

I took off my shoes and laid on my bed, I dug my head under a pillow but I could still hear the knocking on my door.

"Come in" I mumbled.

I heard the door open and close quietly but I didn't look back. Someone sat on my bed and then is when I turned. Roxas was looking out of my window.

"I saw you with Riku…"

I blushed.

"Wha-? What? Um…You don't understand, I don't like Riku…"

**Since when do I blush?**

"I saw what you did."

I couldn't respond to that. It's true I wanted to learn something, but did I make Roxas upset? Nobodies aren't supposed to have feelings but maybe Roxas is special. Maybe being Sora's nobody makes him unique, the very thing I wanted to be.

"Have I upset you?" I asked.

Roxas didn't answer. He looked out of the window in an attempt to understand the feeling inside of him. There was a slight pain where his heart should be. He felt angry with Riku, Riku shouldn't have been speaking to Kirai at all.

I suddenly thought I understood. The feeling when Ren'ai didn't have Riku by her side. I think she said it was sadness? I sat up and my body moved without my thinking. I embraced Roxas and buried my face in his shoulder.

"I...he said he would teach me how to love…I just wanted to know what it felt like…but I didn't feel anything."

When I looked up again the glint in Roxas's eyes returned. He faced me and told me not to worry, that he wasn't upset. We stared outside my window for what seemed like an eternity.

A week later 

Riku and I have been meeting almost every night. Until recently, he had been teaching me and explaining this thing he called 'making out'. I didn't know why it was called that way but it was something about using my tongue. I felt it strange and uncomfortable. I usually pulled away and Riku seemed upset every time I did that, I didn't know why.

I had also been meeting with Roxas after coming back from my meeting with Riku. There had been no excitement or anything important for a while now so I didn't find it important to wake up early everyday. Today was no different, it was about 1 am and I was in my room waiting for the familiar knock on my door.

Roxas entered once I said he could. Once he entered we sat on the floor and I discussed what Riku had showed me or told me. Roxas had always seemed uneasy at this but I didn't fully notice until now.

"Roxas, what's wrong?" I asked him with curiosity, I had been thinking for a while now that I had a special connection to Roxas. I had though about maybe pretending I love Roxas and see if that triggered something.

Roxas uttered something in a low voice while staring at the floor; "It's just that…why with Riku? Don't you trust me?"

I looked up at him, maybe I should try with him.

"Of course I do. Okay, I can show you. First close your mouth and close your eyes."

Roxas paused before he obeyed. I was shaking when I inched towards him and slowly closed my eyes when I was 2 inches apart. Our lips finally touched and it felt as though there was something in my stomach, almost like…butterflies.

My mind was racing, I felt complete, whole for the first time. I don't know how long we lingered there but I finally, slowly pulled my lips away from his. I felt my heart beat something I haven't heard before. It sounded like a THUMP-THUMP-THUMP. Could Roxas hear it too? It seemed so loud. My face flushed bright red, I could feel my face was burning.

Maybe that was the first form of a true human feeling I had experienced. The thing that surprised me, I felt it with Roxas, not with Riku, the boy Ren'ai loved.


	7. Mission 7

Thanks to my reviewers-

Rujutoshi- lol, yeah i thought it was cute too.

toyBOX- glad you liked it!

shadowed crescents-ahhh i hate monolougues...lol well im done witht he project now so it wont interfere anymore.

Twilight-to-Nightfall-thank you! lol

inuyashaHELP- yeah...it should be..lmao

JessYukiOnna- yay! thank you for being so supportive!  
AUTHOR'S NOTE- sorry this took so long to take out,I had a writer's block.

Mission 7

The room was dark and quiet. There was a single light in the ceiling. I can see someone sitting on a bed. It was a girl…with blonde hair. She looked like Ren'ai. She was fiddling with her thumbs and her head was staring at the floor. I walked towards her, I tried to call out her name but I couldn't.

As beautiful as always she was. She stood and looked at my direction. Her face was puzzled; she tilted her head to the side and looked at me with her pale dark brown eyes. I had the same eyes but hers were always different. She always had that spark of light in hers, while mine were a black abyss.

She tried to smile but I could tell she was in pain. Pain of not being able to see her loved one, pain of guilt. Does she feel guilty about me? How I have no existence? The dark fogged everything…I could still see her face in my thoughts.

I awoke suddenly. I looked around and saw I was in my room, lying on my bed.

'_It was just a dream…'_

I sat up and looked out my window, it was about noon already. I raced downstairs to see if everyone was on a mission. No one was in the kitchen or living room. There was a note on the table, it seemed as if it was written at the last minute. I didn't recognize the handwriting but I read it anyway.

_Kirai,_

_Xemnas and everyone else has taken me somewhere_

_I'm not sure where but they said that I could become whole again._

_I don't know why they didn't wake you too._

_I'll be back a whole person again._

_Roxas_

'_What the hell? Become whole? He can't do that unless they go to…Sora! They're going to reunite him with Sora!'_

When I realized that, I ran out the doorway then stopped at the forest. I didn't know where they were. I had no idea where that bastard Xemnas had taken Roxas or where all the other nobodies were. They had all abandoned me, they didn't care. All those bastards were out for themselves; they couldn't care less about another dying soul at their feet. I clenched my fists and gritted my teeth.

What could I do about it? Roxas wouldn't come back, the others wouldn't come back to me and tell me that Roxas was all right, he would fade from existence. It was all my fault. I should have anticipated their ambitions, their plot. Just when I might have found someone that could see into my darkness, someone who might actually like me as a person.

My muscles twitched and the sky turned gray. I released more of my anger into the air and the sky was quickly turning a midnight black. I pounded a nearby tree, over and over. Lighting and thunder were making their entrance, slowly gathering strength. I kept pounding and cursing at no one in particular. A clap of thunder send animals scurrying to some place far away, I could hear a small child cry in the distance.

Rain stared to pour with a vengeance. It stung my pain, like needles falling towards me. The sky was completely black, thunder and lighting set the skies ablaze while rain punctured bare skin, sending mild amounts of pain through the victim's body. I started to walk, my hood was up and I was staring at the ground. There was no one on the streets as I came through. My fury was released into the sky, it was my puppet. I lifted my arm and needles made out of darkness came to my aid. I could see a distant figure but I couldn't sympathize to the poor fellow when I sent my razor sharp needles at him using the wind. I looked up when I saw the figure fall, white blue hair crashing on the ground. I ran over to the figure and bent down.

It was Riku.

"Riku!" I yelled as I moved his hair and saw his body covered in my anger. Blood was oozing out of the tiny holes in his body, there were many. His eyes were closed, his mouth half-open.

"Riku! Please wake up!" I yelled again.

I couldn't have…killed him. He was much stronger than that. I heard a grunt and Riku's eyelids were trying to flicker open.

"Kirai…" His voice was a whisper, I was barely able to hear him over the monstrosity of the skies thunder, rain and lightning.

I tried to stutter a sorry but nothing came out. I began to gentle pull out the needles, Riku's muscles tightened when I was pulling them out. When I had finally gathered all 32 needles on the floor, I was trying to lift him up. Riku was too weak to even lift his arm. I had Riku's arm over my shoulder, his legs dragging below him. I made a portal to the mansion and I dragged him through it. When we came out onto the other side, I fell with Riku on top of me.

My face smashed into tile and I shrugged the unconscious Riku off of me. We were in the living room so I ran to my bathroom to gather first aid supplies. I almost tripped down the stairs but I managed to bandage his arms. I pulled up his shirt to see some holes with blood trickling down his abdomen. I wiped off the blood with some tissues and bandaged it. Then I struggled to lift or rather-pull Riku's body onto a couch.

I sat on the floor next to him but I could still see blood appearing on the white bandages. Naminé, she was still here. She never left her room, I ran to her door on the second floor. I turned the knob and opened the door. I slowly opened it and peeked in, she wasn't there. I sighed sadly, only thinking of the horrible things they could be doing to Roxas.

When I came back to Riku's side, his eyes were opened.

"Riku?…"

He didn't look at me, he stared at the ceiling as if I didn't exist. He must be angry.

"Riku…I'm-I'm sorry. I was angry and they...they took Roxas and I thought…I wasn't thinking."

"Sora would be whole again…" Riku started.

I couldn't believe what he was saying. He didn't care about Roxas, he didn't give a damn Roxas would practically die, fade away into nothing.

"You don't care! He'll DIE! You just care about that bitch Sora! He's just like you! We can die too! We're not toys! WE CAN ALSO FEEL PAIN! AND LONLINESS! You think just because you have a heart that you're better! Well you're not! Because you're all selfish heartless creatures!"

I ran up to my room and shut the door with an almighty crash. I looked out the window and feed the sky more of my anger and frustration. The weather worsened. The streets were flooding, lightning had already killed some of the electricity of the town. The wind slammed against windows, clattered and broke trees. I wanted all humans to die. They were heartless.

I sat by my window and watched it all. More and more time passed by, some windows had shattered already. Trees collapsed onto the ground. There was a knocking, more like a pounding on my door. I could hear Riku yelling at me.

"You're doing this aren't you! You'll destroy the town!"

I didn't move an inch, he wasn't going to care about Roxas, and why should I care about such a pathetic placed that housed the real heartless, humans. Thunder muted the sound of Riku's yelling and the pounding of my door. Then I heard a loud clang and Riku ran to me and grabbed the brim of my cloak that was just under my neck. He pulled me up and my feet were lifted from the floor. He was yelling at me to stop this, that I was being inconsiderate of the innocents. He was muttering something about killing humans who had no part in anything.

I just stared at him, I could see through him. I held no expression on my face. I didn't care about others. He shook me to maintain my attention and to cower in fear. I didn't do either. Why should I obey him? Why should I care about others?

"If you want to save them so badly…"

Riku paused to hear me speak.

"Ask your little buddy Sora to save them."

That pissed him off. Riku released my cloak and I fell to the floor. I staggered to get back on my feet, but once I did I kept staring at the destruction and abuse I had given the town. I still didn't care.

I looked at Riku and he had a hateful glare on his face. I knew he preferred Ren'ai then me. He was probably scheming a way to reunite me with her.

"Say it, tell me you want me to fade away so that stupid girl of yours can be while again. Say it."

I was daring him to, daring him to admit it. Riku stayed silent, despite the thunder and rain and wind pounding against the window. It might have smashed in any second now. Riku softened his expression and looked towards me.

'_Why the hell is he happier now? Why isn't he angry?'_

"Kirai, I don't want you to die."

My knees hit the floor, I looked up at him and muttered, "wh-what?"


	8. Mission 8

thanks to my reviewers-

Twilight-to-Nightfall- thank you very much!

toyBOX- lol im glad you liked it.

Rujutoshi-well... he doesn't...dont worry about that.

kozmo09- here's your update!

chocolateriku- thank you!

inuyashaHELP- lol yeah i can get pretty confusing. this is roxas/kirai. and well like they took roxas away to reunite him with sora. then like kirai got upset when riku said he didn't care about roxas. kirai's power is to alter the weather with her emotions, she can also control and move needles with the wind. err so like kirai got upset and she was like making the weather all bad and stuff so like riku got pissedbecause innocent people could have died and he got upset but then kirai didn't care and he wanted him to admit that he hated her and stuff but then he said "i dont want you to die" so she was like "wahh?" and that was chapter 7 in one paragraph.

Mission 8

I was on the floor on my knees, staring up at Riku. Thunder was roaring and lighting blinded outside the window. The wind was ramming itself against the mansion. I couldn't hear any of it though, all I heard were Riku's words. I was dreaming right? He wanted me dead, he wanted me to reunite with Ren'ai so I would fade, so I could fade away into nothingness. He wanted my existence to end.

"Kirai, I don't want you to die."

He was lying or my ears were fooling me. I didn't hear him right, I **couldn't** have heard him right. I was the one born out of hate, despair, lost. My name meant dislike, hate, why didn't he hate me? He loved the girl who's name meant the opposite of mine, love. He had given me such a death glare a minute ago. Where did all the anger go? All I ever wanted was to feel something, now my heart stung knowing the time I've wasted instead of searching for Roxas.

"I-I need to find Roxas…" My voice croaked.

I stood up, not knowing what to do next. I thought of Roxas, how I had met him. I saw his smile, his hair. I saw his gleaming eyes, he didn't deserve to fade away. I gritted my teeth and closed my eyes. I tried to calm my emotions, suck in my fury and anger. The thunder stopped, lighting disappeared. Rain softened.

The wind was now a gentle breeze swaying the leaves outside. I lifted my arm and summoned a portal of darkness while thinking of Roxas. Could this possibly lead me to him? I entered and I felt Riku walk behind me.

I opened my eyes when he reached to our destination. It was a courtyard of sorts, one that I've never been to. It must be on the far side of town. The sky reflected the night, my storm had gone. In front of me, the organization stood in a line, facing me. Their hoods were up while Xemnas was speaking to Roxas. Their hoods were up as well. Roxas's head was tilted down, staring into the floor he was standing on.

I trudged on towards my supposedly 'comrades'. Xemnas turned to me when I was only 4 feet away form him and Roxas. Roxas didn't turn his head at me or say anything; to him I was invisible.

"So glad of you to join us."

I frowned then looked at Roxas, he was acting strange, and not like the boy I knew.

"Roxas?"

He looked in my direction, his eyes were almost vacant, empty. The Xemnas spoke,

"Sora is coming any minute now. Now Sora is going to be whole complete, we need him to be complete so he can release more and more hearts."

My fists were shaking as I started to lose control of my emotions again. I tried to relax and I faced Roxas,

"Roxas? Can you hear me? You don't have to be reunited with Sora! Come on let's go find a way to become whole again without reuniting with our other selves."

His eyes weren't vacant anymore. I cold see his pupils appear but his expression was still vacant.

Xemnas smiled and looked beyond me,

"The guest of honor has arrived."

I looked behind me, Sora was standing there confused and puzzled, then he shouted out "Riku!" and Riku walked over to his friend. Traitor flashed across my mind. He still didn't care about Roxas, that selfish bastard. Sora had a determined face but you could see his happiness for finding his friend.

Xemnas and the others disappeared, leaving Roxas and me on one side of the courtyard with Sora and Riku on the other side. Riku was talking to Sora, probably explaining he should reunite with Roxas to make him whole. I stood in front of Roxas when Riku and Sora were advancing on us, Sora had his Keyblade ready to swing.

"You won't take away my only friend!" I shouted at them.

Sora relaxed form his fighting pose and stood up straight. My face felt like water was going to pour out of my eyes. I didn't want them to take away Roxas no matter what.

"He's your friend?" Sora asked.

I nodded while Riku scowled.

"But nobodies can't have feelings, they don't have hearts." Sora said, he didn't mean to be rude but that made me snap.

I looked down at the ground, feeling even more deceived, more betrayal. Even the nobodies tormented me, my own kind. My fists shook with anger, thunder and lightning appeared out of almost nowhere. I fed the sky my anguish, the hate I felt for all of those selfish beasts. Rain poured down, stabbing Sora and Riku. They yelped in pain but I stood there, needles piercing my skin.

The wind blew my cloak and my hood fell off. My hair whipped around and stuck to my face. Sora was looking at the sky, wondering what was happening. He obviously hasn't battled someone who could control and shape the weather. I looked at him, my eyes chilled him, and I could feel it.

"I won't let you take away my only friend." I told them.

Riku was the one to speak now, "But Sora could be your friend!"

I roared a no. Lightening shot down a tree a block away. Fire arose but was quickly put out from the drowning water. Needles that were pitch black came to my side. Sora got ready and charged at me, I threw the needles with precision at his vital points. He fell back and struggled to get up. Riku got his Keyblade and came at me. He was about to slash me with his sword when a flash of lightening blinded everyone for a second.

I had blocked Riku's attack with a thin needle, easily the height of myself. Riku gasped when he saw me. I had long blonde hair, Riku staggered back. I looked just like Ren'ai. Tears were rolling down my cheeks. I did not know whether they were mine of Ren'ai's. I lifted my arm and pointed the tip of my needle spear at Riku's neck.

An image flashed in my mind. Screeching filled me and I pulled back, grabbing my head in pain. I tried to ignore it and rid Riku of his life. The pain came more harshly. She was causing this, I felt my image melt back into mine, the hair shortened and bleed with a crimson red that was identical to blood. Even she had betrayed me, she wasn't going to allow me to kill him. The screeching didn't stop and flashes of her life came to me in a blur. I fell to my knees, gripping my head, screaming. That voice was singing, her singing brought back drowning pain, it was an angelic voice, a voice that all could hear.

"_You don't remember me but I remember you. I lie awake and try so hard not to think of you." _

Riku looked around, "Ren'ai?" he whispered.

The voice brought pain to me. Her voice her words spoke of love and hate. The emotions in her singing, they had the power to destroy me.

"I look in the mirror and see your face 

_If I look deep enough."_

I was crying in pain, I begged for her to stop. To take the pain away, the pain of not having a heart. The pains of knowing you are not real and not wanted. I looked at my hands and I was fading. I cried out like a child, I was muttering no through my sobs. Sora had recovered, him and Riku were looking at me not knowing what to do.

I stood up when the screeching stopped. Her voice ha faded as well, I had to hurry. Tears were still trickling down my cheek but they weren't transparent, they were the color of blood.

"She's crying blood Riku!" exclaimed Sora.

The pain was subsiding and the weather was less fierce. Only rain came down now. My body felt racked with pain. My legs were shaking but I would not give up. I had no choice but to keep on.

Riku didn't want to battle someone who was obviously crying blood and on the verge on fainting.

"Kirai! We won't fight you! But Sora needs his other half, Roxas is part of Sora."

I knew she was hiding, time to bring her out.

"_Have you no shame, don't you see me? You know you've got everyone fooled."_

Then a girl was slowly appearing, her face was in a scowl. Her long blonde hair flowed behind her. I smiled; I had brought her out. Her face looked exactly like mine but her eyes had that glint of life. She had a heart, she was Ren'ai. Riku raced over to her and hugged her. You could see the happiness on her face, it drove me insane. I began my singing again,

"_Look she comes now, bow down and stare in wonder._

_No flaws when you're pretending._

_But now I know she never was and never will be."_

Ren'ai held her ears from the pain of my words. Riku held her and spoke to her, trying to calm her down.

"_Without the mask,_

_Where will you hide?"_

"Stop it! Stop!" She screamed, my voice had sounded just like her's but her voice was angelic mine, well it sounded like I was full of vengeance. I smiled at her when I sang,

"_I know the truth now,_

_I know who you are_

_And I don't love you anymore."_

Ren'ai was now too weak to stand. Her body was racked with pain just as mine was. When I stopped, she kept her eyes closed and her hands over her ears. The powers of our voices were simple. Since we were a part of each other, sometimes our emotions get through to one another. The words we sing held emotions for the other half to feel. Since both of us were singing about betrayal and sadness, the other half feels pain.

I created a dark portal and I grabbed Roxas. He had finally came to his senses.

"Kirai! I want to fight Sora, if I lose, I'll join with him."

I looked at him like he was mad. Maybe he hadn't **fully** come to his senses. By that time, Ren'ai had recovered. She looked angry. She gave me a death glare and did I mention she looked really angry?

Ren'ai wasn't the angel she once was. When I was born, she was left with the hatred I was created from. Of course, she wasn't always mad, but when I had sung and inflicted pain to her, she grew angry. Little needles appeared by my side, they were floating on the wind. I had my large needle in my hand. Ren'ai got back on her feet and her weapon appeared in her hand. From far away, it looked like a small sword. I knew better than that, it was a gun.


	9. Mission 9

kozmo09- lol thank you! will do!

Torakage- I'm glad you enjoy reading.

inuyashaHELP- yeah i know! lol well i got the gun-that-looks-like-a-sword idea from Yazoo from Final Fantasy 7- Advent Children. Love that movie!

JessYukiOnna- here's your update! hope you enjoy it!

toyBOX- ahh you cried? should i lower the sadnessess ess? Well...about whether Ren'ai is bad you'll just have to wait and see! muhaahah!

shadowed crescents- lol well Ren'ai didn't really come out of Kirai, she came out beause of kirai.

Twilight-to-Nightfall- here's your update!

* * *

Random Fullmetal Alchemist Quote-

"Either because of love, or out of foolish curiosity, human transmutations are attempted...and when these attempts all backfire, a diffrent life is created...a being that has its own body and mind, but no soul...

**This is how the damned are born..."**

-Wrath Episode 31 (I think)

* * *

Mission 9

'_Shit!'_

I pushed Roxas through the portal and I jumped in right when I heard a single gunshot. Pain shot through my arm when Roxas and I landed on the other side of the portal. I had the portal transport us to the beach were I used to meet Riku. This was the farthest I've ever gone from the mansion. I had fallen to the floor, I was clutching my arm in pain.

"Kirai! Are you okay?" Roxas sounded alarmed, he must have heard the gunshot and assumed the worst.

I pulled my bloody hand away from my wound and examined it, Ren'ai had only grazed me, fortunately. I sat up and ripped a strip of cloth from the bottom of my cloak. I tied it around my arm to stop the bleeding. Roxas sat next to me.

"I'm sorry Kirai, this is all my fault. You saved me…"

I could see the gratefulness in his eyes, I smiled at him, saying it was no problem. It was raining only a little now, the moonlit lit up his eyes. Roxas helped me to stand on my two feet but I fell a little forward, Roxas caught me.

"S-sorry. I must be weak from the blood loss."

Roxas smiled at me, he hugged me and thanked me.

"You don't need to say thank you Roxas." I said to him.

"It must be painful…for both of you."

I knew what he was referring to, he wasn't talking about my physical wound but of Ren'ai and I. It was true, having her hate me was a little difficult. It was like hating myself. My stomach fluttered when I realized how painful it really was. Being a nobody was hard, it made you think of yourself no more than a lifeless doll. We weren't supposed to have feeling but nonetheless, we always expressed them. I clenched my teeth and hugged Roxas tightly, he was so comforting. The warmth of his body felt like home. I knew he wouldn't betray me.

"It…is painful."

A tear trickled down my cheek and I sobbed. Riku had betrayed me to the girl whom he loved, Ren'ai hated me, even though I was a part of her. Even Xemnas had told me to stop pretending I was human, could this burning feeling in my lungs be fake? How could I pretend my insides were caving in, my heart pounded with pain?

Roxas held me, his chin was above my head, I cried into his chest. When I pulled away, I looked into his eyes. Roxas smiled and wiped a tear from my eye. I could see that glint of life in his, why could I? I had only seen it in humans with hearts. So why was he different? That indescribable emotion inside of me came to life, the feeling when our lips met for the first time.

My body was involuntarily getting close to his, our faces inching towards each other. I could feel him breathing and my eyes were closing. When I felt his lips, my heart burned with a life I hadn't felt before. I hadn't felt any of this with Riku. Why was Roxas so special? Why was he so kind?

Our lips separated and I began to feel weak. My knees buckled and I sat on the floor quickly.

"What's wrong Kirai?" Roxas picked me up. I tried to speak but I had lost too much blood, my vision was blurred. All my sentences came out sluggish.

"Don't worry Kirai, you'll be fine."

That's the last thing I heard before I blacked out. When I came to, I was laying in a while bed. The room was all white and I felt someone holding my left hand. I looked to the side and saw Roxas sleeping on a chair. I gripped his hand tightly, it was comforting. Where was I though? This room was strangely unfamiliar.

"Roxas?"

Roxas was deeply asleep, I smiled. He looked so innocent when he was asleep. His chest was rising and falling with each breath he took. I sat up and looked around. I guess I moved a little too much because Roxas awoke. He smiled sleepily and asked me,

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine. Where are we?"

"Small clinic on the other side of town."

After the doctors checked to see if I was well enough to leave Roxas checked me out from the counter and we left. This part of town was unfamiliar to me, I had never seen these buildings. The streets were full of people walking around attending to their businesses. We came upon a park, Roxas led me to a bench and we sat.

"Kirai, we have to return to the mansion. They won't do anything to us, if they do, I'll protect you."

I sighed, "I guess we do. Otherwise, Riku, Sora and Ren'ai would find us."

When no one was looking, Roxas summoned a portal that I stepped into regretfully. We landed in front of the mansion. It felt as if time had stopped when we entered the hellhole. Even though it was mid-day, there was no one visible in the silent hallways of the mansion. Roxas and I hadn't eaten for a long time so my stomach was growling and roaring by the time I set foot in the kitchen.

"Hey Roxas, are you hungry?"

He nodded and added, "I'm starving."

I rummaged through the cabinets and the fridge. I found some food to eat, after we were done, I headed towards my room without a sound. I laid on my bed, head down. I could feel Roxas enter my room and close the door. He sat on a corner of my bed.

"Kirai…what's wrong?"

I turned around to face him, his eyes met mine but I looked away.

"She hates me, they hate me."

I clenched my covers. I didn't know what to do anymore. Everyone that had tried to get close to me ended up hating me or having someone better to love. Riku…he hates me, he loves Ren'ai. The organization, I bet they wish they could get rid of me. Roxas…I didn't want to get close to him.

My greatest fear now-losing someone important to me.

"Roxas…" I croaked out.

"Yes?" Roxas sat closer to me, stroking my hair.

"Please…don't…leave me alone."

Roxas was taken back by this plead, "Wh-what? Why would I ever leave you?"

He smiled at me and I smiled back.We then said our goodnights and Roxas walked out of my room. I layed down but the distorted after images of Ren'ai haunted me. I kept seeing her face full of hatred. I couldn't go to sleep like this. I gathered my pillow and blankets and opened Roxas's door.

I poked my head through and peered into Roxas's room. I saw Roxas under his covers.

"Roxas?" I whispered, "Are you awake?"

I heard a low "Yeah" coming from Roxas's bed. I quietly walked into his room, closing the door behind me. I dragged my bed sheets to the floor right next to him and I sat on the floor. He gave me a confused look but said nothing.

"I can't sleep in my room…I keep thinking of _her_."

"Yeah sure, you can sleep here."

I smiled at him and he smiled back. He got up from his bed offering it to me,

"I'll sleep on the floor."

I murmured a thank you and got into his bed. I fell into a wonderful sleep almost instantly, sleeping in the same room as Roxas made me feel that my safety was insured. His pillow and covers smelled like him, a wonderful citrus that smelled also a bit woody.

(That sent is from Hollister's Jake cologne. I love that smell! 0-0)

I fell asleep thinking of Roxas, he was so nice, so caring, could we possibly regain our _hearts and fall in love? _

Or would the **darkness** swallow us and reunite us with Ren'ai and Sora?

Only time would tell.


	10. Mission 10

Sorry I haven't updated in a long while. My finals for school had taken away my time. Now that school's over. I might be able to update twice a week.

Twilight-to-Nightfall- lol I'm glad you liked it!

chocolateriku-lmao okay, I'll try to find somewhere to put it in chapter 11 or 12.

inuyashaHELP- i would die T-T

JessYukiOnna-lma so am i! GO KADAJ!

shadowed crescents-your lucky you have a japanese teacher >- 

Din'sBlaze- yeah me too! i coudln't find any so i made one! lol

dEEjayXiAN- thank you! lol I try to make it cute.

NeverGoodbyeRoxas-there's complexity? lol oops, i must have done that by accident.

Moon-Freak00-thank you! yeah there's hardly any straight roxas fics.

Recorder Kame768->- im making everyone cry! lol

Mission 10

When I awoke, the scent of Roxas filled my lungs. My eyelids slowly opened, I remembered the night before, how I had slept in Roxas's room. At first, the light blinded me. I sat up, and looked around. Roxas's room was lit up in a strange way. Or was it just that I felt strange? The world felt fake to me. It was like I was a lost memory, like I didn't really exist. I peered over the edge the bed and saw Roxas still sleeping, on the floor.

I sighed and smiled; the strange feeling I had was gone now. He looked just as he had in the hospital. He looked so innocent, so much like a real person. Maybe I could be like him one day. Then doubt rose in the back of my mind. I felt guilty by what I had done to Ren'ai and Riku. I was friends with Riku, could I ever be friends with him again? Would they ever forgive me? Probably not.

I let myself fall back onto the bed with my arms spread wide. I stared at the ceiling, how interesting. I pulled my cloak over my head after I had risen from the bed. I trotted downstairs in hopes that Xemnas wouldn't be upset about the other day. Maybe he would kick me out, I sure hoped he didn't. I had no where else to go if he did.

Instead of a nobody, Riku was sitting on the couch. I stopped walking, he turned to face me. I didn't want to know that Ren'ai was here, please, let her not be here.

"Hello Kirai." Riku said, he didn't sound angry, but he did sound rather cold.

I didn't respond back because I felt a hand on my shoulder, I turned around and there was Ren'ai. He long blonde hair was as perfect as usual, while mine was quite messy. She had a smile on her face, which was normal. I knew her better though, she was up to something. Her hand on my shoulder had already caused me to feel queasy. She took her hand off of my shoulder and walked towards Riku.

"What the hell are you doing here!" I asked, nervously.

Ren'ai was now at Riku's side. She placed her hand on his shoulder, just like how she had done to me.

"Look Kirai…I know you're not happy. You pretend to have a heart but it's useless. Please, your life would be so much better if we just reunited."

I had feared this, I hated Ren'ai for this reason. She cannot see anyone's point of view other than her own. It's a bad trait, but not to her. She didn't want to become friends with me it seemed. She walked slowly towards me and the feeling of being in a dream came to me. I looked at my hands and saw my skin was becoming a bit see-through. I felt weak and I slowly sank to my knees. Ren'ai stepped closer and bent down to touch my shoulder; her hand was almost burning through my skin. The pain was unbearable.

My muscles began to twitch, my consciousness was being pulled away from me and I felt myself being reunited with Ren'ai. I clutched the part of my chest where my heart should be. It burned, it stung, and it hurt. I groaned with pain as the edges of my vision blurred, I was going to fade away, just as I had wished not to. I heard a loud shouting and I lifted my head with the little strength I had left. Roxas was standing there on the tops of the steps.

I tried to reach out my hand towards him, I wished he could have grabbed my hand, I wished he could save me. Roxas would be strong enough to evade Sora so why couldn't I be stronger than Ren'ai? I wanted to be with Roxas, I wanted to experience what Ren'ai did with Riku. I wanted what she had. I wanted a heart, I wanted to be a person. The weakness I felt reflected my life, a sad story about a girl who wouldn't make it.

But life was like that. Not everyone makes it, not everyone dies happy. I wanted to be one of the few but I guess it wasn't meant to be…

My vision blurred and I couldn't make out Roxas's face clearly anymore. He just stood there, leaning forward. A tear trickled town my cheek and I feel into darkness.

Roxas's Point of View 

Kirai was fading away and I could do nothing about it. She faded and slowly sank into Ren'ai's body. She was gone…Ren'ai stood up with a bright smile on her face, she was happy, twirling around like nothing happened. She was almost glowing with happiness. Riku came up to her and placed his arms over her shoulders. He began to twirl her around, while I just stood there. My whole body went numb and cold.

Riku and Ren'ai completely ignored me. They went on for god knows how long. I couldn't move from where I was. My mind wouldn't accept the lost of Kirai. Could she really be gone? I could still see her smile her laugh.

No she couldn't be gone. I stampeded down the stairs to find Riku and Ren'ai heading out the door. My fist couldn't be tighter. My throat but I managed to scream out,

"What the FUCK did you do to her?"

Riku and Ren'ai both turned around, clearly stunned to see me. I don't think they had noticed me before. They took no more than two seconds to look at me, they completely ignored me and left out the door. I opened the door after them and ran. Ren'ai turned around to face me when she noticed I was following her. We were right in front of the forest. She had a sneering smile on, one that sent goosebumps down my spine.

"What do you want? Your precious Kirai? She's a **part** of me lover boy."

"Shut up! Shut **UP**!" I yelled at her.

My hood was over my head and I looked at the ground when I summoned my two Keyblades. I lunged myself at them but Riku blocked my attack with his Way to Dawn Keyblade. I overpowered Riku but pulled back. I held Oblivion and Oathkeeper tightly. I didn't want to fight them…I just wanted Kirai back.

"Kirai! I know you're still in there!" I called out.

"You just don't learn do you? You shouldn't sympathize her: one, because you can't, you're a nobody and two, she's also a nobody! Shouldn't I have my whole self? Why should a mistake that can't feel emotions live?"

"You actually think we can't feel? I know we may not have hearts but…"

I raised my face at her,

"At least I don't _act_ like a nobody!"

I ran towards Ren'ai to have Riku stand in my way, we exchanged blows time and time again.

Kirai's Point of View 

I knew where I was, I was watching Riku and Roxas fight. I could sense Ren'ai's laughter, I could feel her withdraw her gun-sword. I knew what she was thinking, she was going to aim for Roxas. I had to stop her; I had to regain control of the body. She was lifting her gun-sword but I tried to pull down her arm. Her arm was moving up and down, and twitching.

"What the hell?" I heard her say.

I was gaining more and more control, I could move her legs, her arms. At first she resisted but then I was in control now. I opened my eyes and saw where I was standing. How could I return to being myself? There was only one way, to open Ren'ai's heart to darkness.

It was either she or I. I could stay in her body or I could turn her into a heartless and regain myself once again.

I chose **me**.

Ren'ai was fighting with me for the body. We fell to the ground and I screamed out. Riku came running to Ren'ai's side, I saw him staring at me. The clouds had covered the sun but the light bothered my eyes.

"Kirai?" he asked.

Before he could react, I grabbed Riku's Keyblade and thrust it when Ren'ai's heart was. At first I felt pain but then darkness engulfed me. It felt as if I had fallen asleep. When I awoke, I was in a dark room. There was a dim light above my head but other than that, darkness was surrounding me. I looked at myself and saw that I had an organization cloak on. I felt my hair and saw that it was red. I had returned and regained my body.

I walked around the room yelling Roxas's name. Where was I anyway? Where was Ren'ai? Or…what was left of her anyway. There was no one in the room and it seemed that the darkness kept on going. I tried to summon a portal but I couldn't. What was wrong with me?

I sat under the light for what seemed like ages. Where was everyone? Where **was** I! I had sunken to the floor, waiting for someone to rescue me. When I recollected what I had done, I realized I turned Ren'ai into a heartless. I didn't feel guilty of what I have done, but that's probably because I don't have a heart to feel guilty with. Could I steal Ren'ai's heart? No, that would be wrong. But is anything wrong in a war of life and death?

I sighed, waiting for someone to save me, for someone to tell me it was all right. Would anyone come though? Or would I rot here, wherever I was. Then I heard a small noise. It sounded like someone was walking towards me. I stood up, ready to face whomever it was. I relaxed because Axel came out of the shadows.

He held that calm expression on his face as he always does.

"Kirai! Long time no see."

I wasn't exactly happy to see him but Axel hadn't betrayed me or anything. So I said hello to him and began to sit down again.

"Kirai…I'm here to help you. Xemnas…he has plans for you and Roxas."

I looked up at him, confused.

"What do you mean?"

"He's going to USE you Kirai. You and Roxas."

"Use me?"

Axel scoffed, "Wow you are dumb."

I ignored his rude comment and asked him what Xemnas had planned.

Axel responded, "I really don't know exactly what he wants to do but it won't be good for either of you."

I stayed silent, what could I say? I wanted life to be easier, but that would never happen. Not when you're a nobody.

_'Roxas...Where are you? I miss you...'_


	11. Mission 11

This is an extra long chapter to make up for the absence of my updates.

Rujutoshi-You reviewed so I'm grateful

shadowed crescents-I actually don't hate Ren'ai or Riku. So I kinda feel bad for her.

Twilight-to-Nightfall- If I have time, I'll read your fic. This is a long chappie, I hope you like it!

Moon-Freak00- lol I know what you mean.

Hippielover459- Ha! I updated soon! Hope you like it!

Roxas324 -I really really like your penname. I love Roxas.

* * *

**Random Quote of the Day**

**"Do as I say, not as I do."**

** -Izumi Curtis from Fullmetal Alchemist**

** (For those of you who don't know her, she is Ed and Al's teacher)**

* * *

Disclaimer- I do not own Kingdom Hearts but I own Ren'ai and Kirai. If I owned KH then Sora would have been the one who fades away. Roxas is a much better Keyblade Master. Plus, he doesn't try to seduce Riku. (No offense to any Sora lovers. I like him too but I just prefer Roxas)

Mission 11

"Come on Kirai, I'll get you out of here." Axel said while offering his hand to lift me on my feet.

I stood up and Axel opened a portal of darkness that lead to god knows where. I looked at my own hand, I had tried to summon a portal but it hadn't worked.

"Axel…I can't summon portals anymore. Why is that?" I asked.

Axel turned to me and shrugged, "You can't?"

I shook my head no but Axel just walked towards of the portal he made. I walked after him, wondering where he was going to take me. I entered the darkness and came out of it just as quickly. I opened my eyes to the beach where I used to speak to Riku. A pain emerged where my heart would've been if I wasn't a nobody.

My body felt weak and numb. I fell to my knees crying. The thought of Riku made this feeling wash over me. I was crying and sobbing just like a child would. I covered my face with my hands and wept. Axel came over to me, clearly alarmed.

"What's wrong Kirai? Why are you acting so…human?"

I looked up at him and squinted the tears out of my eyes. Images of Riku flooded into my mind. I longed to embrace him, to see him. I wanted to know where he was, I wanted him to be alright.

"Riku…" I sobbed.

Axel tried to lift me up, but I just fell back down again. I could hear pounding in my ears, my heart hurt. The pain wasn't the sort of pain you'd feel from a cut or bruise but it was more painful. Axel kneeled down besides me,

"What is wrong with you Kirai! You're acting so strangely."

"I-I can't help it…" I managed to choke out from my tears.

Axel just stayed there and waited for me. I soon stopped crying and I was rubbing the tears from my eyes. I looked up at him and smiled, I felt…happy that he had shown me kindness and waited for me. I stood up and hugged him. I heard a sharp intake of air form Axel. He pulled me off and held my shoulders. He looked worried.

"Kirai…or are you Ren'ai?"

"What?" I tilted my head at him and wondered what he was talking about.

"You're acting human Kirai…"

I did feel strange. I hadn't really felt sadness before. When we arrived at the beach, the memories of Riku were painful. How wrong it all went, maybe it could have been different. Maybe it was also because of Ren'ai's feelings towards Riku. Her feelings would obviously influence mine. But it had never influenced mine this much. I don't know…it was all so confusing.

Axel was standing with his back to me, in deep thought. I knew because he had that certain expression on his face that told me so. Suddenly, he spun around and looked at me in a desperate way.

"Kirai, I think you have part of Ren'ai's heart. Yeah, it would all make sense then why you're acting all human." Axel stated.

I quietly muttered,"What? Part of Ren'ai's…"

'_I have a heart.'_

"Well Kirai you know how troublesome-"

'_I have a heart! I can feel emotions!'_

"And Xemnas won't approve-"

'_I have a heart!'_

I yelled out in joy and hugged Axel. I danced around and laughed. I had a heart! I could finally love someone! No more fake emotions for me! I was a nobody with a heart!

"I have a heart! Yeah! Whooo! I have a heart!" I yelled out.

I was truly happy now. No one could tell me that I was simply faking my emotions. They were now real! This happiness I felt now was real! It was **my** happiness and not Ren'ai's. I had to find Roxas and tell him! He would be so happy for me!

"Hey Axel where's Roxas?" I said with a smile on my face.

Axel turned to me and opened a portal with a nod. While I was walking to the portal I noticed something…strange. Was it just me or did Axel have a apologetic expression on his face? Whatever it was, I didn't pay it mind. I was happy to walk into the portal that would carry me to Roxas. I couldn't wait to see him. I stepped into the portal without regret. When I came out on the other side, I was back at the room where Axel had helped me escape from, or a room that looked just like it.

There was something different about the room thought. On the wall there was a boy in the center, he had his head tilted down and he was sitting with his arms limp and his legs stretched out. He was either dead or asleep. From far away he looked similar to Roxas so I ran as quickly as I could to the boy's side. I touched his shoulder but then I noticed it wasn't Roxas, it was Sora.

"Sora!" I yelled.

I jumped from his side; I hated Sora. He had no compassion for nobodies and I had no compassion for heartless humans. Sora lifted his head slowly to show he had just woken up. He rubbed his eyes and stood up on his feet. He was still rubbing the sleep out of his eyes when I yelled,

"You look **nothing** like him! I wanted to see him not you!"

"Huh?"

Sora looked at him but shrugged and slumped down again, then he sighed; a sigh of sadness.

I tried to summon a portal to get away form the boy I hated. It was still no use, why couldn't I make a portal? In anger, I tried to summon my needles and they appeared by my side.

"I hate you Sora! Why the hell did Axel send me to you?"

"You hate me? Well I won't fight you, you're not a nobody although you do look like that nobody I met before with Riku."

It angered me to hear his ignorance; "I AM that nobody! I'm a nobody you idiot! Stand up and fight me! I don't want to be bothered by your presence!"

"You're a nobody? Why are you acting like a human though? I guess you're a good pretender. But you also have that glint in your eyes…"

I relaxed from my fighting stance and stood upright. Did Sora say I have that glint in my eyes? I sighed and sat down about 5 feet away from Sora on the wall. Sora looked at him and tried to speak to me.

"You know, I never got your name."

"I don't want a pathetic pest that is unworthy to know my name."

"Are you calling me a pathetic pest?"

"No, now I'm calling you an idiotic pathetic pest."

"I don't know why you hate me so much."

I scoffed and chuckled, "You're one of those heartless humans. You can only show kindness to those who you consider are your equal."

"What are you talking about? I'm the one with a heart here!"

That ticked me off. I sent a needle at Sora that stuck itself into the wall, 2 inches away from Sora's face.

"What did you say?" I asked him.

"N-nothing."

Time passed by quietly. I must have fallen asleep at one time because the next thing I remember is Sora waking me up. He shook me and I opened my eyes immediately. I pushed his hands away from me and sat up.

Sora went back to his sitting place and said, "You were calling Roxas's name a lot. Do you know him?"

"Yes."

"Oh…"

I looked back at Sora, he seemed sad. Why would he though?

"I don't hate Roxas. He's just…a reminder for me. My friend Kairi, I let her get hurt and then I took a Keyblade and turned myself into a heartless so that she can get her heart back. Then I was turned back into myself when Kairi hugged me. Roxas is a reminder of that. I always try to protect my friends but sometimes…it just doesn't work."

I looked away from Sora's sad face and into the darkness. Maybe Sora wasn't so bad.

"Roxas is…a wonderful person. He made me feel alive. Sora, will you help me find him?"

'_Why did I just say that?'_

Sora smiled, "Only if you help me find Riku."

'_Why did he agree!'_

"I also need to find Riku. I owe him an apology."

"Then it's a deal."

I smiled at Sora and wondered how we were going to escape from this room.

"By the way…where are we Sora?"

The boy stood up and wiped his black shorts, "Xemnas's chamber. It's for prisoners."

'_Why the hell did Axel send me into a prison?'_

Sora looked at me and asked, "Any idea how to get out?"

I looked at my hand with uncertainty. I hadn't been able to open a portal for some reason I didn't know. Maybe I'll never be able to open portal. Does my half of Ren'ai's heart prevent me from having nobody powers?

"I'll try." I stated.

I lifted my hand, closed my eyes, and concentrated with my entire mind to open a portal to take us to the forest just outside the mansion. I thought that if I couldn't make this, I couldn't find Roxas or Riku. I opened my eyes to find a portal in front of me. I signaled for Sora to follow and he did. Once we came out on the other side, we were at the forest. I looked at the night sky to find out it was night.

"Look Sora, we're going to sneak into the mansion. Alright?"

Sora nodded and we silently walked to the mansion. Roxas's room was on the second floor so I made two platforms of needles. It was strong enough to carry each one person. I told Sora to stand on one and he did. Using wind, I lifted the platforms with us on it to Roxas's window. I knocked silently and I saw Roxas get up from his bed and stare at me with a look of surprise. He ran to the window and opened it.

"Kirai!" He whispered.

"Roxas!"

I threw myself on Roxas; we both fell on his floor. I was hugging him and crying.

"Ow…. Kirai…can't…breathe…"

I apologized and got up from on top of Roxas. We both stood up to notice Sora had climbed inside from the window and said,

"If you guys need your own room, I'll walk out."

Roxas stared at Sora in astonishment, "Sora?"

"Nice Joe boxers Roxas."

Roxas blushed and ignored Sora's comment, "Kirai? What are you doing here?"

"I came to save you! Axel said Xemnas has a plan to use both of us."

"Kirai…you seem different."

"Don't worry about that. We have to get you out of here. It's not safe."

I looked at Roxas; no I looked into his eyes.

"I missed you Roxas…"

I hugged Roxas as tightly as I could. I missed his scent, his voice, and his kindness. I didn't want to separated from him again. My heart felt like it was fluttering and hot tears slid down my cheeks. I wanted to be with him always, always have him by my side. I had been afraid I wouldn't have seen him again when I was with Sora in that prison.

"Kirai…" Roxas smiled and hugged me back.

I pulled away to look at his face. I smiled again and more tears slid down my cheeks.

"Don't cry Kirai…It's alright."

I inched my face closer to his face and our lips met. A fire erupted inside of me and I felt that I was unique. I was no longer Ren'ai's nobody without a heart but I was Kirai. I was my own person with emotions and feelings. We pulled away and I whispered,

"I thought I wouldn't get to see you again."

"Guys?….I'm still here. Could you continue this when I'm not in the room?"

I pulled away from Roxas, I had forgotten Sora was there. Roxas and I laughed at Sora's face. His face showed he wasn't comfortable. None the less, we had to get Roxas out of the mansion. After Roxas got dressed and retrieved his two Keyblades, I lowered Sora into the ground outside the window using my platform of needles. Then I lowered Roxas and lastly, me. When my platform was 5 feet from the ground, Roxas took my hand and I made the wind go under my feet so when I jumped that tiny distance, I floated down.

In silence, we all walked towards the town. We checked in at an inn. Sora was the one who opened the door. He took one look inside and then looked at us and closed the door.

Sora was nervous when he asked us this, "Um, you two like to be with each other right?"

I lifted an eyebrow at Sora's question, "What's wrong?"

Sora chuckled then said, "Well you two will have some nice quality time then."

He opened the door and flicked the light switch on. The room was a vanilla cream color. It had a little kitchen in one corner and a bathroom. Everything seemed normal…

"There's only two beds. Sora, you're gonna sleep on the floor." Roxas said.

I hadn't noticed that there were only two beds in the room. So that's what Sora was jabbering about.

Later that night… 

I turned restlessly on my bed. I couldn't sleep for a minute. I sat up and saw Sora snoring on the floor and Roxas on the other bed, the exact same way.

'_Heh I guess they are a bit alike.'_

I sat there thinking a bit until I grew tired. I laid on my bed and wondered where Riku could be. I couldn't help but feel some worry and regret for Riku. I wondered if he was alright and if he hated me. I also wondered how Ren'ai was. Was she just a heartless wandering around without a purpose? Or had she come back into her human self like the time before? If she did, she would only have half a heart consumed with rage, what a way to live.

"If nothing else, I have Roxas…"

Then just as Roxas and Sora were asleep, I too drifted off.


	12. Mission 12

Sorry about the lack of updates in well over half a year. But I've finally updated. My writer's block had been cured.

Mission 12:

I woke up in shock as I felt a pain surging through my face. I felt dizzy from an unknown blow as I crawled on the floor and my eyes adjusted. I looked around and saw that I was in Xemnas's prison chamber. I looked at the figure who had harmed me. As I was on the ground, the figure loomed over me and slapped me. I fell to the ground and brought my hand to my cheek, shocked.

"You thought you could escape me? You are my nobody, I own you."

I looked at the figure and saw long, blonde, flowing hair…

"Ren'ai?" I whispered.

I saw my own face looking back at me with hatred, she smiled and laughed. In reality, this scared me. Having your face hit you and laugh with so much…evil, this really scared me.

She laughed, "You thought you could win? You thought your selfish little self could win against the Organization, me, Riku and Sora?"

I stared at her, I didn't know what to do but all I cared about was, "Where's Roxas?!"

She scoffed at me, "You still only care about him? What good will you do him dead? You know…"

"I only care about him! Where is he?!"

Ren'ai grabbed my cloak from under my neck and pulled me up to face her. I never remembered her to be this strong.

"You're so annoying when you're pretending."

She threw me to the floor and a portal appeared, Ren'ai walked through it and left me. I still hadn't gotten over the shock. Last night, I was with Roxas and Sora. What had happened? Had we been captured during our sleep? Where was he?

And….

Why had Ren'ai opened a portal?! The answer made me feel dizzy. Ren'ai now had the powers of a nobody. I had to open a portal, I had to get out of here! I concentrated with my eyes closed, willing a portal to open for me. It was no use. I sighed and curled into a ball. I was pathetic. The human that I…was created from, even she was more successful as a nobody than I am. How did this happen? What happened to the past? I was only a normal being without emotions. But then he came. He stepped into my existence. I would never call my being here as life.

"Roxas…I need you."

I was so weak. Without Roxas, I was nothing. Without his smile, all I can think about is how I'm an empty shell without meaning. I gritted my teeth and I pictured Ren'ai and Riku in love. I was envious of them. Why did they deserve a happy ending?

Then I screamed, "Why! Why do they deserve it! _She's cruel, she's inhumane!_ Is this what being a nobody means?! Am I to rot! Am I to wither away!?"

And then I whispered, "I only wanted to be with him."

No I will not stay here. I am a nobody, I have no emotions, I can destroy. I lifted myself up and with the tears streaked down my face, I summoned a portal. I landed in front of the mansion. It was now or never. I turned my face up towards the sky to feel the cold, harsh wind gathering. Tonight's going to be stormy. The clouds were already gray in anger. Thunder was rolling not too far away. As I walked towards the entrance, rain began to pour. My blood red hair was sticking to my face. I pulled my hood up and summoned twenty black needles that floated by my side. If they wanted to take away my reason to be, I'll erase their existence. I was sick of it, trying to make me do their bidding. Trying to take Roxas from me, I was through with it all.

I opened the door to find some members sitting around. Once they saw me, they froze. I faced Marluxia and demanded, "Where is Roxas, Ren'ai and Riku?"

He didn't answer at first but when I lifted my hand and my needles rose, he told me.

"They are by the beach. What do you plan on doing? We need Sora. Without him, we won't have hearts. With hearts, we can become human."

I looked at him with hate form under my hood. "I do not plan on existing without Roxas." Then I brought my hand down in his direction. Like lightning, my needles flew and hit Marluxia. He cried out and the others eyed me and tried to assist him. I simply turned and opened a portal to the beach, hopefully, this will be the last time I teleport there.

When I arrived, I saw that Marluxia was true to his word. Sora and Roxas were fighting with Riku. Ren'ai was watching the sky, grinning. When I saw her, my anger rose. The sky turned into a black. Thunder, lighting and rain blurred the senses. Ren'ai turned her face to watch me walk towards them. Riku saw me and drew back. Sora and Roxas stood their ground when they saw me. With fifteen needles at my side, I asked Ren'ai, "Why are you doing this?"

She glared at me, "You stole part of my heart. I am no longer human. I need the heartless to be destroyed by Sora that I can recover enough hearts to gain one of my own. I need the same thing as all nobodies, including you need. So why are you so reluctant to give up your precious Roxas?"

Riku seemed unhappy after Ren'ai had given her speech, did he not agree with her? Was Sora truly that dear of a friend to him? Who would he choose? Ren'ai or Sora?

It seemed as if I wouldn't have time to ponder because Ren'ai took a few steps towards me and pulled out her gun. It was a midnight blue hue and it shined like silver. She lifted it and pulled it upwards as if it had been fired in slow motion. All the while, she glared at me with eyes that thirsted.

"Bang," she stated.

I held my ground. Could I dodge the bullet? Even though I was a nobody, I could still die. I summoned over a hundred sleek, black needles. If anything, I had less than a second to make a shield or dodge. Riku, Sora and Roxas were still and silent. They only watched me and Ren'ai.

"Ren'ai," I pleaded, "I don't want to fight you. I only want to take Roxas home."

She grinned and he eyes slightly closed so that they resembled a snake's slitted eyes.

"You only want your precious Roxas? Why, Kirai is he so damn important to you? Because you _love_ him? Because you think you're so special that you can evade what you truly are, an empty shell, and have the capacity to _love_?"

She lowered her gun.

"You can't possibly have emotions. You are my shadow, the past that I want forgotten. I despise looking at you. I loathe the way your face is so similar to mine and yet, you and I are completely different. But face it, you aren't capable of containing emotions. You can only pretend."

I walked over to her calmly. She knew the truth and so did I. She was lying because she knew, I was more human that her now.

"Ren'ai. You know that I have half of your heart now. You possess your darkened, poisoned heart while I, a nobody, have your pure side, the side of you that you once were. It doesn't have to be this way. We could find a way for you to become human again. I-"

But I couldn't finish because she turned away from me and faced the three boys. I could still see the side of her face and it was contorted into a painful frown.

"It wasn't supposed to be this way," she whispered, "I was supposed to be in love with Riku and none of this was supposed to happen. I wasn't supposed to have a nobody. This wasn't supposed to exist!!!"

Before, I thought I hated her. Now I pity her. She was a teenage girl who was in love with a boy. She only tried to defend him and even sacrificed herself for him and this was how it ended. She lost her heart, her human self and her empty shell of a body became human and even…found an emotion that only humans could possess. It was unfair. All of this was unfair. The rain was pouring but through the veil of raindrops, I thought I could see Ren'ai crying. This was truly cruel, I realized.

Then she did something I would never forgive her for. She lifted her gun and pointed it at Roxas. Scared, I shouted, "Roxas!" I was running towards Ren'ai and I sent my needles towards her. If I could only reach her before she dared to pull the trigger, she'd die. I didn't want to kill her, I truly didn't. But I couldn't stand and watch while she killed Roxas. He meant too much to me. Lightning flashed and I knew my needles had struck their mark. But I had also heard a gunshot.

And there they were.

Ren'ai had over a hundred needles protruding form her body. From the wounds a dark, red liquid was leaking. And then there was Riku, he was holding her, covering the tip of he gun with his shoulder. Behind him, Sora was standing with his arms stretched out in front of Roxas. The only emotion Roxas could muster was surprise. Riku began to shake and he fell to the ground along with Ren'ai.

"Riku!" Sora shouted. He rushed over to aid his friend. I ran over to Ren'ai, she was unconscious. But Roxas was only standing there, frozen. I tried to heal them both as did Sora.

"What do we do Kirai!?" Sora shouted over the rain.

I looked down at them and my voice cracked when I could only whisper painfully,

"I don't know."


	13. Mission 13

I hope you've enjoyed this fanfiction as much as I have. I'm sorry for the lack of updates but that's my laziness. Anyway, I wrote this chapter in a very strange way. There are two point of views. The first part is kind of an introduction and its for both point of views then there's a line which enters you into the first point of view and later, another line which tells you the other point of view. I won't tell you who is it because when you read it, you'll figure out. Anyway, I wanted to do review replies here and so I will:

Twilight-to-Nightfall- Ah, sorry about that. Well I hope you enjoy this one!

Mint Irachi- Well I hope you understand more of Ren'ai with this, I certainly do! And I thought she was a bitch before too...lol.

sasukelover2- Riku didn't take the hit for Ren'ai, he took the hit for Roxas while Kirai hit Ren'ai with her needles thingy. Sorry if I didn't make that clear.

RandomKHmaniac - Thank you! Yeah I usually make people cry...at least that's what they tell me after they read my stuff...Sorry!

And special thanks to this reviewer who, after I read their review two hours ago, felt determined to write another chapter! Thank you for the inspiration from all you reviewers!

chelsey - Thank you so much. I really appreciate your opinions, I really hope you enjoy this chapter.

Thank you all again and here you go:

Mission 13

Have you ever had the feeling that no matter what you do, life will always twist everything around? Have you ever thought, "No matter what I do, there isn't a cure?" I've always believed there is an answer in every situation. I've always believed I could do something for him. Despite the pain or the hardships one endures, there is something we can do.

But then, one day you may find yourself in a situation that is completely out of your control. A situation where there is no evil and good, only people and feelings. No black and white, only different shades of gray. I used to think that one could tell the bad from the good. I wish it could be as simple as that. I wish that one could know, one could tell the _difference_. But people are humans, humans with emotions and feelings. They aren't evil or good or bad or just. People are only _people_. People who are confused or conceited or hurt.

But when you save someone, do you think, "Are they evil? Are the cruel?"

Or do you just save them? Just for the sake of being pure?

Do you save them for yourself? Do you save them for someone else? Because you don't want to be cruel?

I don't believe in evil and good. I don't believe people can just be classified as black or white. There are too many emotions, too many variables, too many sides to one story. And in the situation I'm in, I just didn't know what to do. Maybe I was afraid to save someone who had been so cruel to me. But then, I thought, because of her I'm who I am. I don't think I'm cruel and evil. I don't even think I'm human. But I do have feelings, I do have emotions. And I feel pain. Pain when someone who I care for is taken away and hurt. I feel pain when someone physically hurts me. But when I cause someone else harm, for the sake of justice, am I evil?

Or am I only a person?

I don't know. I'm not sure of anything anymore. All I know is the people who are precious to me. All I know is I want to protect them. But I think…people are more like shades of gray than black and white.

* * *

There is always another side to the story, right?

I could feel the rain soaking me to the core, I felt so cold, so numb. My eyes were closed but I could hear noise all around me, I could feel people speaking and whispering and panicking. What was there to panic about? And then the shock of the pain hit me, like a tsunami destroying an entire city. I gasped and opened my eyes to the dark sky. I was lying on the ground, surrounded in pain. My breathing was uneven and harsh. Then I saw my own face look at me. As I saw her eyes stare at mine, I thought, "Her hair has grown a lot." And it was true. Her hair cascaded over her shoulders and almost touched me.

Her hair looked like blood to me.

And that's when I noticed him. His body was next to mine and cold. He was cold and weak. And the realization struck me. I had killed him. I had harmed my dearly beloved. Now, I can never forgive myself. If I lose him, it's my fault. If his skin turns cold and his eyes lose their glimmer of light, it was my fault. I was the cause of his heart to stop beating and even if it doesn't, _I've harmed him_.

And now, fighting with her and destroying her aren't important to me. Regaining my heart and my human self don't matter to me, all I care about is him. The only reason I wanted to regain my human heart was because of him. The thought of…losing the emotions I felt for him was indescribable. I couldn't, I _wouldn't_ lose the love I felt for him. I would always love Riku. That's why I wanted to destroy her so badly. I was filled with rage and bloodlust because I was afraid. It was fear that drove me, my fear of losing my love for Riku.

That's all it was, that's all it ever was - fear.

But now, my feelings are of no importance. My life isn't important; all I want to know is if he's okay. The guilt of harming him was more painful than any blow; it was a heart-shattering strike. What would he think of me now? I've harmed the only thing that I have in this world. But this wasn't Kirai's fault; it was only my own flaws that led to this. But I tried, didn't I? I really tried. I wanted this to be perfect, I wanted us to be perfect. But perfection was too much to ask. Perfection doesn't _exist_.

And so the rain kept pounding down on me. I could see the back of his head and the wound on his shoulder. I was so lifeless, I couldn't even cry. I didn't feel human enough to cry anymore, I must be a monster. A monster that drove for perfection. Envy filled my heart and lungs when I saw that Kirai had fallen in love. I thought why should she be happy? But now I know better.

And then I saw Riku stir. He struggled to turn and face me. It was painful to watch, painful to hear what he said to me. His eyes weren't filled with anger or hate. He still cared for me, still loved me even after what I've done to him. It hurt…so much. It really hurt; my chest was filled with pain. It even hurt to breathe. A couple of stray hairs fell across his face and I longed to brush them away. But my body wouldn't move and I felt too guilty to believe I was pure enough to touch him. I would only taint him further.

He looked at me with kind eyes and then said, "I was scared, Ren'ai. You've changed. I was scared, you'd kill someone and I would truly lose you."

I couldn't cry or tell him I was sorry. Sorry would never be enough, anything that I do would never be enough. There would never be a time where I wouldn't feel guilty for what I've done, even if my intentions were good.

Riku dragged his arm over to me and I wish he wouldn't. I was a poison that would taint him. He was too pure, too good. Didn't he know that? Still, he dragged his arm over to my and rested his hand on my cheek. His hand was still warm, or was it that I was just cold? His touch soothed me but I couldn't cry, I couldn't speak. What would I say? Can I apologize? No, I couldn't, this was beyond reparation.

"Please, talk to me," he pleaded.

And I wanted to. I wanted to cry into his chest and will this all to be a dream, a nightmare. But this was reality. This was the nightmare of my reality and I couldn't escape it. I heard Kirai calling Roxas, the blonde boy that he cared so much for. It seemed as if he was far away and mentally lose, when he spoke. Did he feel the same things that I felt? Guilt? Sadness? Emptiness?

Sora, Roxas and Kirai began to talk but I didn't listen. I could only look at Riku, at what I had done to him. He was always so powerful and strong-willed. But now, he looked weak. And I had caused him to look that way.

And then I heard Kirai say, "They aren't real. They are an illusion."

Oh, how I wish this was an illusion. Then maybe I could be perfect and so can life. But, sadly, this wasn't an illusion. Sadly, this was reality.

* * *

There is always hope, right?

I truly didn't know what to do. What was I supposed to do? Was I strong enough to heal a mortal wound? Who could I go to for help? I could only feel regret as I watched them both. They were both weak and bathed in blood. Riku turned his head to face Ren'ai as Sora healed him. He looked deathly pale. Was Ren'ai scare? Afraid? Did she hate herself? I knew how much she cared for him, I knew how much she loved him. She would go to the ends of the world and back for him. She would do absolutely anything.

So how do you feel when you've injured the light of your sky? The sun for your world? _What do you do? _How do you feel? Do you give up? Do you stop going on? Or do you live on the rest of your life in guilt? I couldn't even imagine how she felt.

She must be dying inside.

Does she blame the world for her mistake or is she blaming herself? Seeing her now, like this, makes me pity her even more. I used to hate her and envy her but now I don't. She looks so weak, laying there. Is she thinking at all? Is her mind a blank?

What is she thinking?

But I'm sure Riku doesn't blame her. He looks at her with such caring eyes. But maybe she doesn't see that, maybe she only sees how weak he looks. I would feel the same, if it were Roxas. Roxas…I almost lost him. But I can't hate Ren'ai because she's only human.

"I was scared, Ren'ai. You've changed. I was scared, you'd kill someone and I would truly lose you."

She only stared back without emotion. Maybe she couldn't believe she shot Riku, maybe she was truly gone now. Riku weakly dragged his arm over to her and he lifted his hand and rested it on her cheek. She still didn't move, she still didn't speak. Her eyes were emotionless but she was alive.

"Please, talk to me," Riku pleaded.

And I wish she would. He looks so pained. And what if he died without speaking to her for one last time? I know I shouldn't think that way…but the situation seemed so helpless.

I turned and shouted into the far distance, "Roxas!"

He was standing, watching us. The rain was pelting him but he seemed to not notice it. I mentally urged him to join us and help. We needed him now.

"Was this all because of me?" He asked.

I bit my lip, I couldn't lie. A lot of this was because of…no. It wasn't his fault.

Roxas slowly walked over, his usually bright blonde hair was now darker and stuck to his face. When he was close enough, I whispered, "This was because of me, because I acted on impulse. This was my fault, not yours."

He frowned and knelt down and began to heal them.

Sora, who was now terrified, asked, "Couldn't we ask them for help? Couldn't we ask _anyone_ in this place to help?!"

And then, I remembered the first thing that I learned living here, in this dead town. I looked towards Sora, who was waiting for an answer.

"No," I began, "this town is dead. There are no people."

"What about the people who live in those homes?!"

"They aren't real. They are an illusion."

I remember learning this and now understanding. I had seen the people, seen the homes and smiles and frowns. But I was told that these were fake. I had seen children crying and screaming for help, but I was told these were fake. I couldn't understand then but I do now.

Even if I was to run into the town, asking for help, no one could come. No one would come to aid. Because there are no people. There is only data, only computers, only information. Back then, before Roxas came, it didn't bother me that this world was unreal. I didn't care if this was only data.

But now I wonder, "How do you live in a world full of data-created people?"

How do you live, knowing when you walk around, you're only looking at imprinted lights and sounds. These people are programmed to act this way, they are programmed to eat and sleep and cry and scream. I guess you'd have to be heartless, which is the reason why the nobodies live here. Because they have no hearts and they are literally _nobodies._

No natural parents or friends or hearts or lovers, they have nothing and are nothing. They aren't supposed to feel anything or do anything. They are just there.

But there's a mistake, they do feel. I've seen the way Axel gets angry or laughs. I feel the emotions radiating from him. But how can that be when we have no hearts? Can the imprint of emotions be on the empty body that our originals left behind?

Or are we subconsciously pretending?


	14. Mission 14

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts or any of it's original characters, I do own this story and my original character.

Author's Note: I'm sorry I barely update this story anymore, but I'm planning on finishing it, I won't abandon it. So, here's a nice, long chapter. I'm coming to the end of this story and I hope you've all enjoyed it. Here's chapter 14!

* * *

Mission 14

You have to promise to never leave.

Why?

I don't think I can stay sane without you.

Why?

Isn't it obvious?

I guess it is.

I'm sorry, I sound stupid don't I?

We both do.

No, you don't.

Anyone who's in love sounds stupid.

A dead town. No life, no real happiness. A perfect habitat to raise nobodies in. There's no one to ask about real life, real emotions. There's no one to tell you how to be _human_. And no one to turn to when you needed help the most. I couldn't believe I could be so useless. I was sitting here, staring at Riku and Ren'ai as they were dying and I couldn't do anything. I was absolutely and completely powerless to aid them in any form possible. I hated this weakness, despised myself. I gritted my teeth in desperate anger. How could I let this happen? How could this happen? Could life be so horrid? So hideously deformed and cruel?

I've spent most of my life cold, heartless, empty, hating Ren'ai, fearing her really because I was miserable. Do you know what's the worst about being so miserable? I was so ignorant, so lifeless, I couldn't even comprehend how horrid I really felt. My life was mostly just one battle after another, all in this godforsaken world. How crummy is that? From my point of view, I think life is unfair. But, now, I'm praying, pleading with every drop of water and blood in my body that life will just cut us some slack. I've experienced the beautiful, wonderful, amazing moments of life with Roxas, could life just let them live? For just this once, please, someone, or something save them.

It was heart-shattering to watch them just laying there. I refused to anymore, if I could do anything, I would find them help, _no matter the cost._ It was my fault this happened. I was born from Ren'ai, heartless and numb. But then I had to go and steal a part of her heart. The ability to truly love Roxas and care for him, came from her. The feeling of seeing him smile and admiring the subtle glint of the sun shining on his skin, came from her. But I had to snatch it away from her, pilfer her ability to care, love Riku. I had ripped her heart from her and walked away without bothering to take a second glance at her hollow, bleeding chest. I had been so consumed with my own happiness, I hadn't bothered to acknowledge her feelings. I was cruel and inhumane, just how the Organization was to me. And that was a pretty deep cut, considering I'd basically just called myself a vile, corrupt _monster_ that had no heart, no emotions. _It hurt so badly. It all hurt. _

I felt as if death had flown down from the night, terribly dark sky and laid over me, enveloping every bone and muscle, ligament and cell in its deep, hard, cold, meaningless veil. The pain was a strange one. So hot it felt cold, so silent I could feel it shrieking, so terrible it was bliss. The feeling held me, lightly and tightly, against its cold, hard chest. I fully embraced the pain now, shivering as I extended my pitiful, weak arms around its mass and held it close to me, as close as it could be. It felt so much more real this way, it was so solid, more than I expected it to be. Did I imagine the sharp intake of breath from its mouth? No, it would never do that. It wasn't in its character; its personality consisted more of causing me pain and suffering. A good pain, a good suffering. It seemed millions of centuries later when it wrapped its more muscular, shaking arms around me as well. I felt so much better in the core of my sadness and so I dug my head in its cold chest, feeling the heat radiating form its chest, my own personal sun. 

As time went by, years and minutes, days and seconds, I became aware of the noise all around me. I could feel my heart pounding, softly, weakly, brilliantly. It felt like a flame, one being exhausted, having all of the oxygen taken from it. I could feel the pitter-patter of cold, wet, water falling on me, on every inch of my body, soaking me to my core. You don't understand, I thought, you will never know. They can never comprehend how I kept clinging to my cold, warm chest. Its chest was the cause of all of this, yet I loved it so very much. So. Damn. Much. It loved it too deeply that it cut, so badly it stung, so frailly I cried. I can't imagine how much more it could hurt, to love this core, the core of all the sadness in the world, my world. I hated it, no, not hated it, but despised the way it captivated, held my heart in its hand. Its cold, hard hand. I wanted to break open its grasp to dive in, deep and underwater, and retrieve my heart from its reach. Just in case. Just in case it broke. I hope, wish, pray it doesn't. What if it did? What could I do then?

And then I heard crying: a little girl sobbing, such a sad voice, such a broken cry. Her sobs were choked in her chest, her tiny, high-pitched voice whined every now and then, cried out every now and then. I wanted to stroke it, hold it close to me to calm it. It sounded so pathetic, heart-shattering, so loud. My God, it was so loud. It was more of a shrieking now, screeching and screaming for its last breath, last words. It sounded painful, were they torturing it? How could they? Did they have hearts?

_No._

But why would they do it? Where they human?

_No._

How horrible, how horrible this all was. I clung closer to my painful core, realizing that my arms were beginning to sting in a painful, shrieking way. I wanted to let go but I couldn't, wouldn't. Why would I let go of my sun? How could I let go of my _soul?_ It was all I had. It was all I lived for. Nothing else mattered to me, much less my life; if I had nothing else, I couldn't live, but if the core was there, the world would live on without me. But that core was part of me as much as I was part of it. So I'd live on in the world, even if I was dead. I felt like dying. My whole chest was burning too. Burning like a star, a steady, deadly star. I wanted to pull away from my core, its chest, but I refused to. The crying was louder now, more intense, more focused. I loved my core, its warmth, its control of my heart. Don't take it away! Please, I was sobbing now, shrieking, wailing, don't take my heart away.

Oh god it hurt. _It hurt so badly. It all hurt._

_Please help me. Please make it stop. _

I looked down at Ren'ai, her shaking, feeble little form holding on to an unconscious Riku with all her might. He eyes were closed but she was sobbing now. Her voice sounded just like mine. Except mine was louder, shriller, closer, _screaming_, that's it. Ren'ai was only sobbing, wailing, while my voice was shrill with horror, fear, my heart felt like bursting out of my chest, my blood ran cold, I wanted to shatter everything with my voice. How could they do this to me? How _dare_ they touch him? _I'll stop them, hurt them, kill them!_

"Don't touch him!" I shrieked, even hurting my own ears. He only smiled, grabbing Roxas's arm, dragging him away from me.

Traitor, _Traitor_, TRAITOR!

I couldn't believe he'd actually try it, he was brainless, worse, he was dead. The rain was still pelting us in waves, but my body had shut down a long time ago. I raised my arm at him and summoned hundred, thousands of black, deadly needles. He didn't even have time to react when my needles were deep in his chest; he coughed blood and fell with the momentum of my weapons. I ran to my precious Roxas and held up his head. I checked his pulse, his breathing. Good, only unconscious. I stared at the ground where silver-blue hair covered his face. I think he's dead. I think I-

My stomach heaved and fell. Zexion was on the ground, his face turned towards me, partially covered by his light hair. But I could still see the blood running down the side of his mouth; he was staring at me with those cold eyes. They were piercing and they frightened me. The guilt bubbled up as well. Before, before all of this shit happened, I thought of Zexion as a brother, as much of a brother as a nobody could have. He was the last person I expected to slither through a portal and knock Roxas unconscious while I wasn't paying attention. He was the last person I expected to betray me, looks like I was on a roll today. This was all so unfair; there was no expecting any better for me. Would my whole life be like this? Would I always be upset? Running? Hiding? Screaming? It hurt to dispose of Zexion that way; I could feel a small ache in my chest, a deep, dull ache that racked through my body. How could he betray me? I cradled Roxas, not knowing where to put him or where to take Ren'ai and Riku to help heal them. If they made it alive, I'd be so thankful. 

I rushed back to Sora, where he was still healing Riku and Ren'ai but now he was looking around, frightened. "We have to take them out of the rain, into a home," I stated. He looked up, the town was far but I could create a portal for all of us. "Alright," Sora grimaced. When I looked back to Zexion, his body was going up in smoke. Then, he simply vanished into the air.

We had found an abandoned home on the outskirts, on the other side of the town from the mansion. I never wanted to go near that place again. There were exactly four white, plain beds and after we'd patched up Ren'ai and Riku's wounds, Sora had gone to sleep, leaving me with the first shift. Roxas hadn't awakened from the strike he'd received from Zexion yet, but I didn't worry, I had an undying faith in Roxas. In this one room, I glanced at the bed I sat next to, Roxas's; the bed that occupied two people against the far wall, Ren'ai and Riku; and the bed in the corner, Sora. I glanced from one to the other, from Sora's calm face to Roxas's stoic one. They looked so similar, it hurt. So similar it pained me to admit Sora was only half, while his other half, the one that righteously belonged to him, was sleeping next to me. Where did my sense of justice collide with the feelings I have for Roxas? 

But could Sora live without half of himself? Would he die younger? Age quicker? Or would…Roxas die? I didn't know any of this, I didn't know anything. But I wanted to know, yet I was afraid. What if they had to unite, combine to make one whole Sora? I don't think I'd live, I couldn't bear it. Roxas was _my_ other half. My soul, my world. I glanced out the window at the rising sun. I hadn't bothered to wake Sora for his shift, I'd let the boy sleep. Even though I didn't feel comfortable shredding my gaze from Roxas, I left the room to search the kitchen for food. We'd all need our strength. I started taking out some packaged food when I felt a hand on my shoulder blade, quickly, I turned and threw myself into him. We embraced, held each other closely. We parted slowly and I peered into his face. His face was flushed, tired, but Roxas all the same. His pale skin, spiky blonde hair, deep glittering eyes, I had missed this, missed having time to look at him. Without even thinking I pressed my mouth against his and inhaled his scent deeply. I opened my mouth to breathe and he kissed my cheek. In turn, my hand tangled into his hair and he pressed his lips to my neck. My heart tumbled, flipped, turned, fell, sky rocketed; it was beating rapidly, my blood coursing nervously through my veins. His breath was hot, he felt anxious. No, it was obvious he was anxious and I, nervous. But I didn't care, all I cared about was him. When I was out of breath, he kissed my hair and I was speechless. I didn't know what to say, what could I say? What could I say about any of this? I didn't have a plan, the Organization seemed out to get us, Ren'ai and Riku were trying to heal, Sora and Roxas were supposed to…

_I'll never let that happen._

After Roxas and I ate, we went to check on them. I hoped they were alright. I checked each pulse and surely enough, they were weak but there. They'll probably survive. This lifted a weight off my chest and I stroked Ren'ai's long, blonde hair. Her sight brought a smile to my face now, which I found strange. Since when do I care for her? I used to fear her, hate her even but now…everything was different. I was different, I wasn't the girl who Xemnas had commanded to baby-sit Roxas, I was myself, not a nobody, yet I wasn't human either. So what was I?

Did it matter?

I guess not.

Then why do you care?

I'm just curious, that's all.

There are more important things to care about.

I guess you're right. 

I cared more for Roxas. I didn't care how selfish, cruel, impractical or senseless that might be. He was all that resigned in my mind, my heart. He would always be my first priority, above the Organization, Ren'ai and Riku and my life. Roxas was always first, no matter what. And that would never change. We were sitting in the dining room now, the sun rising, strong, fierce, bright. The light glinted off his hair, reflected in his eyes. My breath caught in my throat, the sight was so spectacular. My chest rose with pride and swelled with a burning nervousness, I was so lucky, I could never forget that. Out of all the nobodies, the real people, the data, he _chose_ me. I could never forget that. Roxas was the reason I was here today and he would be the reason I would live on in the future. He turned to me and smiled sweetly, and my stomach went into spasms. My face flushed and I turned to look out the window. No birds in the sky, only data-created people smiling, laughing in the early morning streets. 

And that's when it came to me. We could escape. Leave this fake world, see the real one, the one with real people. It would solve all our problems, wouldn't it? No more Organization, nothing to hold us back. "Roxas," I whispered. He held my hand and I bit the side of my mouth. "How much do you know about this place?" 

He frowned, "Not much." I looked down now, embarrassed to say my plan. Was it too childish? Was it possible to even escape? I felt so ignorant, I knew absolutely nothing about my so called "world". "I want to escape," I gasped, "leave this place, go into the real world, be together, all of us."

He smiled. "But we don't know how to leave, how could we? Where would we find the answers?"

I contemplated and stood up. It was time to check on the happy couple. When I entered the room, Riku was sitting up, his hand to his chest in pain. He looked at me and asked, "Wasn't it a bullet wound? Is it still inside? This hurts like hell…" I told him it has grazed his shoulder so the bullet wasn't in his body. Riku looked deathly pale and staggered; I hurried over to him to lie back down. I scolded him on the extent of his injuries but he wasn't paying attention to me, he only had eyes for Ren'ai. Ashamed, my feet turned and took me out of the room. Memories of kissing Riku had filled my mind, and I couldn't help but ask myself how I could have been that idiotic before? "Teach me to love someone?" How moronic. Now that I look back, it was all so childish on my part, and Riku, how did he even consent?! I vowed to never, ever, kiss anyone other than Roxas. It would only be him. 

"Riku."

I had to get the sickening thoughts out of my head. There was no way in hell I'd let Roxas go. Even if Sora was to die, I'd selfishly hold onto Roxas with my dear life; I loved him too much to let him go. He was a part of me now, more than I ever wanted him to be. 

Riku's eyes flickered to mine for a moment and then back to Ren'ai's sleeping form. I knew he was listening. "Do you know anything about this world?" I asked. "How to get out to the _real_ world?" I stood rigidly, staring him down until he decided to answer me. In a weak, harsh voice he croaked: "Yes. I know the place that would transport us to the real world."

So he did know! This was wonderful! Easily, we could just sneak in, all of us, and transport ourselves out and we would be free. Finally, the muscles in my back relaxed, the tension released, and then I noticed how sore they were. All of the feelings bottled up, fears finally took off into flight, far away from me. I felt alive, whole, _human._ I smiled at Riku but his face was rigid and grim. His jaw was tight. 

"But–"

"But what? Spit it out."

I didn't mean to sound so harsh; maybe I could have been a little less rude.

"But," he hushed through clenched teeth, "the way out, _our_ way out, is in the mansion. Deep in the mansion. Surely Xemnas won't let us in and out. He wants to keep us here," Riku glanced at Roxas, and I swear my fist automatically readied itself, "he wants Roxas."

So? I don't give a rat's ass if he wants Roxas, he'll never have him. And if Riku thought I'd bargain Roxas for our safe passage, well he'd better think of another plan before I knocked his teeth out. I felt pain and shame for Roxas, everyone always made it seem as if he was the problem, but it wasn't. Deep in my chest, I felt cruel for thinking this, a boiling inhumane emotion ran through my body. I dreaded this feeling, this ultimate, unparalleled _guilt. _But I wasn't sorry for thinking it or feeling it. I had every right to.

All of this came down to Sora, the Keyblade master. The stupid, overrated, Keyblade master. All of this was his fault, the Nobodies wanted to use Sora and gather hearts, because of that, they wanted to unite Roxas and Sora. Which wasn't going to happen. If it wasn't for Sora, Roxas wouldn't be in danger, if it wasn't for Sora–

Roxas wouldn't exist.

A shudder went through my body, thinking of what I would become if Roxas didn't exist anymore. Would he suddenly vanish? Would he die like a normal human? Like a nobody? How did nobodies die? I thought back to Zexion, his hair, his cold, hard face. He had never really smiled, in his whole entire life, I had never seen him laugh. I wonder how he would look like if he had, would it look strange or beautiful? I'm so sorry Zexion, I took away your opportunity to feel the emotions I've felt. I took you away. I felt my head pounding, my stomach clenching, and my mouth filled with saliva. I ran into the bathroom, my chin trembling with nausea. Then I heaved.

_I felt as if I _had_ killed my own brother. _

_And it felt horrible, terrible, I cried with disgrace, I cried, I can't believe I cried. _

Everything's black, my eyelids are closed, but I don't dare to open them.

"Kirai? Are you alright?"

No, I'm not. I feel guilty, I feel horrible, please make it go away. I only want to stay with you Roxas, and leave everyone else behind. Please make my wish come true.

"I'm fine." My voice sounded worse than I thought.

"Are you sure? What happened? Was it because of…"

Don't say it.

"I'm fine, really."

In reality, Roxas, I had a deep secret, a secret so bad, so horrible, I'd never tell you outloud. Well, no, that's a lie. Maybe I will tell you later, but I'm afraid you'll think I was heartless. Which, I guess I am, in a way, but I don't want you to hate me and leave me. I've been thinking about it for a little while, and sure everyone is okay and I don't hate them anymore or anything but:

_I want to leave them and just escape, you and I, all alone._

_Let's leave them behind, and make our own path to the real world, where we can live together in happiness._

_I'm not being too selfish, am I?_


	15. Final: Mission 15

Author's Note: I've actually sort of stopped writing, but I had the urge to finish this since it had been halfway done for a year now? Just to let you know, I have always had this ending in mind, so I didn't just think of it out of the blue.

* * *

Final Chapter:

Mission 15

Kirai (in darkness)

_Time only exists to those who believe in it._

_So, technically, I can be with you forever._

I should feel bad, but I don't. I guess I'm just too selfish, too egotistical, too in love with you. I wish I could be more like Ren'ai, smile so easily, laugh so light-hearted, but I'm too uptight. Maybe I can't because I'm not a human. I'll always be a nobody.

But that doesn't seem so bad anymore, does it?

No, it doesn't. It's alright now, I can accept it. As long as I have emotions, I can accept who I am because I can't change, I can't simply jump into someone else's body. That's just not how live goes. It works in other mysterious ways, placing people in front of you, allowing your heart to soften and have that person sit in a special place, deep in your chest.

Life prefers to make your stomach swell with butterflies and have his touch calm you; yet, force you to grow hot and tremble with excitement. To live is to love, and to be this cheesy, well, who said I shouldn't be?

I can only be who I am.

Despite that, I'm also filled with hate, envy, guilt and shame. And I can't change that either. But I'd choose this over being empty and emotionless any day. With every moment that I feel horrid, for every time my body fills with fear and pain, I smile and laugh. I hold Roxas and I embrace him. Just being able to be this way, well, it makes it worth the while.

I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

But, even then, I do regret what happened.

If things only turned out different…

No.

Things happen for a reason.

Every story has an end.

* * *

Kirai

I wanted to tell him how I felt, but I knew it was wrong. When did I become this inhumane? Wanting to just _abandon_ everyone? But I couldn't lie to myself. I knew I wanted to be solely with Roxas, and that would be easy to accomplish once we escape from this Godforsaken place. It's only a bit of time before my wish came true, I had to believe that.

I felt so much better the next day, my body well-rested, a bit of my guilt hidden away in the deep crevasses of my heart, gone forever. I knew that we had to break into the mansion and make it to the other side. There was no way we could stay here, in hiding. They'd find us, and then it would be all over. I could never return to the Organization and act like nothing ever happened. I could never really be a nobody. I just wasn't that girl anymore. I wasn't Ren'ai, or the Organization's Kirai. I was me, one without a true name, but that was fine. I was content with what I did have.

And one more to add to my list:

Live in the real world with Roxas.

That would be the last thing I would ask for.

All of us were in the kitchen, discussing how we would break into the mansion. How many Nobodies were left? Had some of them been killed on missions? Where they scattered around this fake world? Who knows?

"We have to know how many are there, we can't take them all on."

"That's obvious Riku."

He shot me a threatening glance.

"Stop fighting you two. You're acting like idiots," Ren'ai scolded.

I looked away and started playing with my hair; it was so long now, the deep red reaching below my shoulders. I really wanted to cut it off, now. So I stood and walked over to the bathroom, ignoring the stares of everyone else. I guess if you looked at us from afar, our little group would seem impossible. First, there were two former Organization XIII nobodies, one with two Keyblades, Oblivion and Oathkeeper. Then there were two humans who had given their hearts to the darkness but had successfully regained them, sort of. Finally, the Keyblade master, there to save the world and rid the universe of nobodies and heartless, who hasn't killed me yet.

It really did surprise me; I could only wonder how we all came to be together.

Maybe we were all meant to be together.

Maybe it was destiny.

I had found scissors in the bathroom cabinet, and I stared at myself in the mirror. My face looked so serious, so I tried to ease the muscles in my face; maybe I'd resemble someone caring if I really tried. Unfortunately, it didn't really work. So I busied myself with chopping off the bottom of my hair, letting it fall into the sink. When I was in the Organization, I had an obsession with the length of my hair. Never past my shoulders.

I let my hair just barely skim them.

"Looks good."

I turned to see Roxas leaning against the side of the door, arms crossed. I felt my knees shake as the window behind him released light, letting it shine in his hair. A golden halo surrounded him, he looked like an angel. I managed a smile, despite the erratic beating of my heart.

"You want to just break in and fight them all? Are you an idiot?" I said to Sora.

"Kirai, it's the only option we have. We don't know anything." He replied.

But I guess he did have a point. We couldn't make a plan without knowing anything, so I guess we'd just to play it by ear. In a strange way, I was ecstatic, I simply couldn't wait for the upcoming battles. My blood was boiling, my chest felt heavy, the hairs on the back of my neck rose. I _wanted_ to fight, I wanted to show those Nobodies, and the rest of the world, that I could live. I wanted to show them that they could live too. Before any of this, I was so damn miserable. The others probably thought the same, so I want them to know that there is hope for them. If they wanted, I'd even bring them with us, into the real world. I guess it'll be hard to survive, right? We'd have to work hard and be normal teenagers. But we could do it together, I believe in us.

The night can feel so cold. Like ice, it burns, I don't like the cold anymore, I wish it'd go away. But it wasn't too cold because all of us were standing in a line outside of that mansion, in the dead of night. When Roxas grabbed my hand, warmth crept into my body right from my fingertips. I stared at the looming building before us, all dark and gray. It did frighten me, knowing I was about to enter that place again, but I was alright, because I had him next to me. Ren'ai led the way through the gate, pushing it with anger and determination. Her jaw was clenched; her beautiful long hair was blowing behind her. Riku was right after her, his eyes darting all around, just in case. I released Roxas's hand from my grip and summoned a long black needle. Sora was on my right, looking calm. My gaze was held by him and he turned towards me and smiled. In his heart, he actually believed everything would turn out alright. I hoped he was right.

Those steps towards the large black doors seemed to last an eternity, my steps were so slow, I was afraid I'd be left behind. Finally, Ren'ai pushed open those great doors with her thin frame, and we entered. I almost wanted to run when I saw who was standing in the middle of the great hall, almost. Demyx was leaning on his sitar, frowning with resentment. His blonde hair was sticking up at the top, his eyes were as clear as stone. Demyx took a step towards Roxas and I felt his hated, his rancor was palpable. Yet, my conscience shrieked with alarm, my mind protested against the thought of fighting him. I had to confess: it would pain me if he died. He was the one who disliked missions, the one who would avoid them at all costs. He always would always claim "they sent the wrong guy for this". Doesn't that show he isn't evil? He's different than Xemnas in every way, he wasn't responsible for his actions, Xemnas forced us to carry out his will.

Ren'ai stirred uneasily. Her hand was at her side, reaching for her midnight blue gun.

"Five on one? That's unfair," he smirked, "but I guess it can't be helped. Traitors always cheat."

"Don't worry, I won't swindle you." Ren'ai reassured him.

"Riku, take them. I'll join you guys later."

In my mind, I protested with fervor. She's being foolish, childish, prideful. How could she think so highly of herself? She's still weak, yet she has the guts to take on Demyx alone? I wanted to say something, I wanted to yell at her, and at Riku too, when he nodded and started running. I stood still as Sora and Roxas followed Riku, towards an old wooden door on our right. The wood groaned with their weight, the echoes of their footsteps loud and clear.

Demyx's eyes traveled past Ren'ai to stare at me. They were like marbles, lifeless, without sympathy, without remorse. All those times, those months I was living with him, were his eyes like that? When were they so cold?

"Don't look at me with that compassion crap. Do you really think you care?" he spat.

"No, Demyx, you don't understand, I–"

"I understand. You think you're better than us, just because you escaped? You're no more human than the rest of us. Emotionless, heartless, alone, just like me."

"Please, listen, I don't want you to die, that's all. Please don't fight us."

Ren'ai turned to stare at me now. Her face seemed to be cut from stone. Her deep-seeded hatred was still there, deep inside. I knew now, that she still loathed me, and she probably always will.

"Kirai," his mouth smirked, "just _shut up_."

"Yes, leave now," the blonde demanded.

And I obeyed, just like a trained dog. I sprinted towards the open door Riku had directed us to. And I didn't look back, even when I heard her scream. My legs kept moving, my arms pumping, my breath coming out is ragged gasps. I didn't know where to go, so I kept going straight ahead, down stairs, towards the path with the least light.

Soon enough, I reached a dark room. I was panting, sweating, looking around for Riku, Roxas, or Sora. Yet this room seemed lifeless. The darkness was so overpowering, all I saw was the empty gap, filled with light that I had come from. The rest was lost.

"Roxas!" I yelled.

I waited in silence for an answer. Nothing. Emptiness.

A cool breeze reached me and alert swept through my body. The lights positioned all around the room were turning on, and I saw that I was in a large room with a high ceiling. At the far end of the room, there were two flights of stairs on either side and in between those stairs, Luxord was standing. I despised this ridiculous situation. Why would the Organization care if we left? Why did they need us?

"Do you even know what's happening?" I asked him.

"You're trying to escape and I'm here to stop you."

"Where are the others?"

"Why do you care? You're a nobody, we don't have compassion for others."

This angered me.

"No, you don't understand—"

"It's _you_ who doesn't understand. Can't you see this is all fake? There is only one exception to the Nobodies, and it's Roxas. But that's because he's the Keyblade Master's Nobody. But you're the same, you're not special."

He walked towards me and reached out his hand.

"Kirai, come back to us. Together, we can become real people. They wouldn't have to know you betrayed them, just come with me, I'll put you some place safe, and we'll just wait this out. They'll leave and we can go on with our plans. We'll be human Kirai, something we've always wanted. Just leave them and come with me."

"I don't understand."

"What don't you understand?"

My arm reached out towards his, "I don't understand how you could…

_Be so stupid_!" and I punched him, hard. He reeled back and held his hand to his face as he glared at me.

"You're gambling with your fate!"

I called forth my dark needles and they hovered by my side. Hadn't I felt satisfied when I was able to control my needles swiftly? Or had I just acknowledged my achievement as my ability to now take on missions? Had I wasted my entire existence fighting for Xemnas's cause? Would they truly become humans with real emotions, I had to wonder. By killing them, I wondered if I was taking away their chance at happiness.

"I'll take my chances." My throat was dry, my tone bitter.

Luxord moved out of the way and threw a card at me; it scraped my shoulder and cut my skin. I ran towards the stairs, shooting needles at Luxord as the distance between myself and my escape shrunk. A low grunt escaped from his throat. But I kept running, Luxord was more powerful than me, a victory in a one-on-one battle against him wasn't possible. I jumped from the second level to the first, landing awkward against the floor. My knees buckled and my face slammed into the wood. I opened my eyes, despite the throbbing in my head. I staggered towards the door at the other end of the first level as a card flew past my head and another implanted into my back. I screamed out of surprised and pain but turned and blocked another card with a shield of needles. But then the shock of pain registered and I howled in agony. The skin on my legs felt shredded, my arms stung. I tried standing to run, heck, I would have even settled for _crawling_. No such luck. Luxord laughed, mocking me.

"You were never really strong. For the entire time you were here, I knew you were weak, just a pathetic little weakling. Do you not understand the odds? You shouldn't gamble when you're sure to lose, its just stupid."

He walked towards me, taking his sweet time. When he approached me, his leg kicked me over and the air was knocked out of me. I felt his foot pressing down on my chest, placing pressure on my lungs.

"Huh, worthless. Is your mind working anymore? You just don't get it, do you. You _can't_ escape your destiny Kirai. None of us can. Running to the real world, it's not what you think it is. I bet you had a detailed fantasy of you guys living together, all happy and crap. I'm right, aren't I?"

I wheezed. "Get off of me."

"Nobodies can't feel happiness. It's not something we can have, it's just not possible, when will you understand? Get it through that thick head, _stop pretending_."

Rage blazed in my chest, my mind blanked out, all I wanted to do was hurt him. I shoved his foot off and gritting my teeth, rolled my leg around to throw his from under him. I stood quickly and Luxord was on the ground, his eyes wide. My fist grabbed his cloak and I pulled myself towards him, my face inches from his.  
I mustered all of the anger I could and concentrated it onto the nastiest look I could possibly muster.

_"Don't accuse me of pretending."_ And my fist smacked him so hard, the back of his head made a sickening thud when it crashed onto the floor.

"Kirai?"

My malicious gaze drifted to the door at the end of the room. The boy's eyes widened in fear and I instantly relaxed my face. My hand was still full of Luxord's cloak, I threw his unconscious body on the ground and walked towards Roxas. He made no move towards me, just stood there, frightened. Guilt overwhelmed me, my anger had caused me to act malicious, something I never was. And now I had scared Roxas shitless.

Was I ever going to get anything right?

"Roxas…" I whispered as I made my way to the door. He stood silently even as I stopped a couple of feet away from him. "Please don't. Don't say it, I didn't mean to, he just…he upset me so bad, I couldn't stop. I didn't mean to." I shut my eyes against his expressionless gaze, holding back the sobs. Nausea gripped my gut, swirled around inside of me. No, crying wasn't an option.

"It's okay Kirai, it's alright." My eyes opened to Roxas's calm face. "I understand," he continued, "it just caught me off guard." An awkward silence passed and I stepped through the door after him. The room was dark with a computer at one corner. It had multiple screens and Riku was clacking away at the keyboard.

"Is she with you?" It was an innocent enough comment, if his voice wasn't shaking.

"No, she's not. When I left her and Demyx, they had just started fighting. The only thing I heard was…her screaming."

"I'll go." Sora volunteered and before anyone could object, he left, closing the door behind him. It must have been eating Riku up inside. It had to. Yet, he sat there, calmly hiding his fear and anxiety. "What are you doing?" I asked him.  
"I have to find a way to open the portal to the real world. I know it's connected to this computer somehow, Xemnas mentioned it once, a long time ago. And we have to open the portal before the rest of them get here, we won't be able to defeat them all, look at yourself. I can tell you're tired already. But this damn computer." He growled.

I stood there, in silent reassurance, I knew Riku could do it, if anyone could it was him. I trusted him and I couldn't help but reminisce in the old, confused feelings I had for him. Back when her memories would infect my mind, capturing me like a prisoner, rendering me incapable. I had felt her raging anger, her feverish anguish, her commitment and undying love for him. Yet, in the small crevasse of her memories, had been her relentless fear. The fear of losing the love she had for him in the ocean of her hate for me. But I was happy for her because she hadn't lost that zeal, her compassion and feelings for him and she didn't entirely loathe me. I rested against a wall, closing my eyes, breathing deeply, waiting.

"You seem calmer now." Roxas observed.

_Of course I am. You didn't hear what he said, I heard his words, I saw the implied meaning behind them._

"He'd just hit a soft spot."

_Not just a soft spot, he'd touched on the subject that was most precious and fragile to me. These emotions, I cherished them, I treasured the way my heart would lurch whenever I would feel Roxas's skin against mine. _

I felt his hand over mine, holding it with a silent understanding. A small outburst of guilt radiated from the corner of my mind, had I been understanding towards Luxord's situation? He'd been taught that Nobodies are empty bodies, they were incapable of feeling true emotions. Was it really his fault that it was all he'd ever known?

_I'd probably killed him. That sound didn't sound so good…his head probably got bashed in. I'm a monster, I'm cold-hearted, just like the rest of them. No better, no saner, no more human. _

And I felt guilty that Roxas didn't seem to mind. Did he know how cruel I could be? How inhumane? I took my hand from his and held it behind my back. Either he didn't seem to notice or didn't seem to care. Maybe he understood.

"Got it!"

I looked up to see Riku jump up and head over to what I assumed was the transportation device. There seemed to be a dark light coming from it, something that sent my nerves on edge. Yet, I couldn't stop the excitement from bubbling up inside of me. I wanted to leave, wanted to finally leave this all behind. But would it really be this simple? Surely, it couldn't be this easy. I walked over to where we'd be teleported from and stared at it. Just as I was about to touch it, the door opened and they walked in. Ren'ai appeared and smiled at Riku, his shoulders relaxed at the sight of her. Sora came in right behind babbling, something he couldn't help but do.

The transportation device began to purr, a low hum filled the room. "Ready?" Riku asked. We all entered the device, one by one and left this illusion of reality.

In my dreams, I had wondered how it would feel. Would there be pain? Not likely. Would the path be filled with bright light or would it be immersed in suffocating darkness?

The reality was completely different than my expectations. There was nothing. No light, no darkness, just the absence of everything. The absence of life. I was drowning in it, a river of a never ending struggle. Then my body collapsed, striking the ground as I fell, seemingly from the sky. When I arose, the dull ache of my head was the first feeling I became aware of. Second, I noticed the bodies around me, One, two, three in total.

Someone was missing. I groaned, staggering to rise to my feet. The others were already standing in a circle a little ways off, an ominous feeling burned my throat. The night was cold and bitter, we were in the street, surrounded by dark buildings. I turned towards them again, seeing a light from their direction. I walked towards them and Ren'ai turned to face me.

"Sorry," she breathed and horror struck me. I inhaled sharply, cold air freezing my lungs. I ran towards them, pushing them aside. Roxas was on the ground, his face relaxed, Sora was on his right, standing, shining, eyes closed. I fell on the ground and held Roxas, I couldn't even speak.

His voice was so weak, it was barely a whisper.

"I'm sorry I couldn't…keep my promise. I told you I would never leave you, I'm so sorry."

Maybe I never wanted to admit it, but I knew I was the cause of this all. Everything that happened to everyone, it was all my fault. All of their suffering, its all been in vain. If only I didn't exist then maybe…

They'd all find happiness.

My selfish intentions were like a poison, infecting those around me. Like a tornado, they dragged everyone along into despair. The words I wanted to cry and scream stayed in my throat, unable to escape. _I'm sorry_, I wanted to tell them, _I'm so sorry._ If begging on my knees would earn their forgiveness, there would be no hesitation. Yet, I didn't apologize. I didn't grovel at their feet or cry in their arms because I had only myself to blame for my loss. I had held him only a moment before, seconds ago he was here. I was able to hold him and feel his warmth. Now, there was nothing. In my arms was only frigid emptiness, an absence of reason.

I sat there for who knows how long. But time seemed of little importance to me, nothing else mattered. _He was gone._ Because of me, _he died, faded away._ And I didn't want to believe it. But reality smacked me fiercely, leaving a raw emotional gash. Tears started to pour from my eyes, my mouth opened to emit wailing sounds. My gaze never moved from the place where I had held him, maybe if I could pretend that I don't exist, maybe it wouldn't hurt so much. But it didn't work, the aching, retching pain filled my body, tore my heart to pieces. The naked, desolate ache was so real, it was inescapable. And it was all my fault, I should have seen the inevitability of the situation. I _knew_ Nobodies would all fade away in time; it was the injustice of destiny. The others didn't move towards me or speak. Him, I couldn't even look at him in the face, he stood by, finally complete, finally himself. I sat there and screamed, wailed, wishing he would come back. It wasn't fair, how could he? He left me here, why hadn't I died too?

I smashed my fists into the cold cement until the feeling had left from my hands and my entire being. I hated this, hated everyone, hated myself the most. If only I had been strong enough, had enough courage. Would this have happened?

I curled up on the floor, where he had been and shrieked. A hole seemed to have developed in my chest, the edges aching, ripping, tearing me to bits. I coughed between sobs, pulled my hair, screamed at the sky. My love had left, died in a way. And I had no one to blame. All those happy illusions of living here together were just that—illusions. Unreal. My avarice had consumed me, the selfishness of my actions finally caught up with me. And this was my punishment. There was no happiness for my kind; Nobodies didn't live happily ever after. They always faded away because they're not supposed to exist. So this whole thing, had been for nothing?

When the pain left, emptiness settled. Nothing mattered, nothing was important. My life had ended. There was no purpose anymore, nothing to fight for, nothing to protect.

Ren'ai

I had to pity her. Her form, curled on the floor, while we just watched. I glanced at Sora, I blamed him even though I knew it wasn't his fault. It just…happened. Neither could live on their own in reality, so they had returned to their original form. Yet I didn't see his face in Sora, they had become different people, even if Roxas was a part of Sora. By the look on his face, Sora felt guilty. Who wouldn't, seeing Kirai on the ground like that? She was laying on her side, her face in the direction of our feet. At least she stopped her shrieking. Her face had transformed into a grotesque, pitiful, horrific expression. Her eyes were crazed and she held her hands to her chest, as if her heart was falling out. She just layed there with her mouth open, tears pouring out of her eyes, her eyes not blinking, not looking, just staring. It was frightening to see her there, it petrified me, I thought she had died. She didn't move, we didn't speak. After a while, Sora and Riku left, off to find us a room. I sat near her, not knowing what to do. Roxas's blades were still there so I placed them in front of her.

"He would have wanted you to have them, so you can remember him."

She started shaking and blinked, awaking from her catatonic state. I helped her to sit and she held his blades close to her.

"Ren'ai," her voice was husky, calm, and robotic, "go get me something to eat, will you?" I nodded and before I turned I saw her close her eyes and smile, the curve of her mouth was angelic, her face ethereal. Hate washed through me and I left, walking quickly, knowing I shouldn't have left her alone.

A block down I heard the scrape of steel on cement and I stopped. Bright light washed over my eyes and the hate I always carried with me evaporated. By the time I turned around, all I saw were two swords and black needles scattered on the ground.

* * *

Kirai (in darkness)

But in the darkness, despite that I thought I was alone, I could see him clearly. He was only a few feet away, and he smiled, so brightly it blinded me. He shined, just like a star, one so precious and pure. He came towards me and held me. My face in his shoulder, one hand on my back, the other on my head. He held me so tightly, and I heard the thoughts in his head: _I love you_. I had known it all along and I whispered it back to him in his ear, softly.

Along he came, into my life, and now, he would never leave it.

_But I've decided, I don't believe in time._

_So now, I'll be with you forever._


End file.
